Explore When To Say Yes To Your Child

Every parent
struggles with setting boundaries with their child. It's often unclear
where to draw the line and set your boundary. You don't want to break
your child's spirit, but some things just have to be done whether your
child likes it or not.

You wonder if
you are being too inflexible and controlling or are you spoiling your
child by letting her walk all over you? Plus there are the seemingly
inevitable power struggles where you each attempt to gain the upper
hand, which makes parenting a battle of wills. You want to be close and
connected to your child, not a full-time disciplinarian.

Conflict and
effort is not why most people decide to become parents. You became a
parent to have the joy of loving your child and sharing fun moments
with him. You looked forward to days of enjoyment and play together.

During this
last weekend, I read a Tweet from a mom that read, "deciding if i am a
fantastically creative or fantastically stupid mom to let kids play
with huge box of Christmas wrappings."  

I'm sure you've
found yourself in a similar situation, trying once again to decide
where to set your boundary with your child. She discovers something new
and fascinating that she wants to explore right now.  You're not so
sure it's a good idea. He could make a mess. She might get hurt. You
know it looks like fun, and you don't have time for this.

How can you decide whether to say "Yes." Here are some guidelines to help you sort it out.

•  Remember the only person who can make this choice is you.
  There is no right or wrong answer. Your child needs for you to say
  "yes" to her in as many ways as you can. And she needs for you to be
  clear with yourself and with her when you need to set a boundary. Your
  child needs the freedom to be himself, and he needs boundaries to feel
  grounded, connected and safe. You have to listen to yourself for the
  answer.  A book or even a close friend cannot answer it for you.

• Take a chance. This mom wonders if she's fantastically
  creative or fantastically stupid. One way to discover the answer to
  this question is to give it try. Explore ways of saying "yes" that work
  for your child and for you. Try something new and see how your child
  responds. How does it feel to you? When you explore new possibilities,
  you gain more clarity for the future. If you don't explore and take
  risks, you'll never know what the outcome might be.
• Allow time for change to occur. Your child's nor your behavior will seldom dramatically alter over night. 

• Explore those times when you feel the need to control your child's behavior. What's
  really happening? Are you on auto-pilot or are you objectively
  considering the situation? How can you stretch your ability to try
  something new?

• Take good care of yourself. When you expend your energy
  to manage your child's or your students' behavior, you have little left
  for yourself. When you nurture your own emotional wholeness, you
  empower yourself to more honestly and lovingly nurture your child.