Are You Telling Your Child Too Much?

A mompreneur client of mine once shared with me this story about her 7-year-old daughter. She had just finished telling her daughter some info that she thought was important. She was trying to ‘teach’ her child an important idea to help her in life.

After she was finished, her daughter calmly looked at her and explained, “Mom, when you talk to me, all I hear is ‘blah……blah..blah…..blah..blah.”

You might think, “Wow! What a disrespectful daughter…telling her mother something like this AND not even listening!”

Her mom and I heard something different in her daughter’s communication. She told her mom her experience when her mom started ‘teaching’ her and gave her mom valuable feedback about her communication with her daughter, something every mother can use.

Shortly after this, her mom and dad signed up for my Joyous Parenting Training because they realized they needed to learn how to talk so their daughter would listen. In fact, this feedback from her daughter helped my client understand how much her words were ‘missing’ her daughter, which was the opposite of what she wanted.

Many parents believe that telling their child what he should and shouldn’t do will convince their child to do what they say. They believe their words will change their child’s behavior.

Sometimes this is true; but in reality, words seldom affect or change a child’s behavior as her parents hope it will. Often what the child hears is, “blah……blah..blah…..blah..blah.”

Just look to your own experience and see if this isn’t true. How many things do you repeat over and over again without seeing any real change in your child’s behavior? That’s why you need to repeat yourself time and time again.

This is exhausting and frustrating as a parent.

Too much telling and teaching means two different things:

1. Your child will tune you out.

Too much information becomes overwhelming and especially if your child doesn’t see the value or meaning of what you’re saying. Remember, your child sees life through an entirely different perspective than you do.

2. Your child has to work harder to hear his own truth and recognize what is best for him.

Your child’s self-confidence, self-motivation, and inspiration for success can only come from his ability to listen to himself, to hear his truth. This is one of the most overlooked understandings about what your child most needs from you to flourish.

What can you do differently? There are two important skills for you to practice that will make the words you do say truly impactful…

1. Talk little.

2. Listen much.

Practice these two skills for a week and see what happens for your child and between the two of you.

I’d love to hear your stories about times when you tell too much?

If you want to find new ways to communicate and relate so your child will listen and act on what you say, check out the Joyous Parenting Training beginning July 15.