Ever thought about the difference between reacting and responding?

January 28, 2016 By Leave a Comment

As it turns out, the answer to this question is very important to the quality of life we live. With my Nurture Your Family Retreat coming up this Saturday, I’ve been thinking a lot about this subject.

Most of the time we go through our day reacting quickly and emotionally to all the stimuli and influences that come our way. We have lots on our minds, lots to do. We seldom pause to reflect and consider our many possible perceptions and choices. We seldom have an intention or focus for our words and actions.

Yet these very words and actions make a big impact in our relationships with those we love the most. They affect the kind of reaction we get from others and how they see us. How they relate with us. The closeness we have with them. Our words and choices have the power to bring us more joy or more discomfort and hurt.

When we respond, we bring more consciousness and clarity into our choices, actions and words.  We have a thoughtful, heart-centered focus, a priority from which we act. This becomes our guiding light as we connect with others. When we have more awareness, our love becomes more effective in creating true closeness.

When we respond, we create more joy, more love with our family.  There are fewer conflicts and misunderstandings. Difficulties can be worked out more easily. We create relationships based on trust and honesty, where we can authentically be ourselves.

Reacting comes so quickly and easily. We don’t have to consider or listen deeply. It’s so easy to forget to pause before we react.

Here are three effective steps you can take to increase your respons-ability.

  1. Observe your interactions and emotional reactions with others. What patterns do you see?
  2. Pause. Create time to reflect on what you really want for yourself and each person in your family.
  3. Create a focus for yourself, the ground on which you choose to stand as you go through your day and when things get rocky. Practice feeling this ground moment to moment.

My upcoming Nurture Your Family Retreat gives you this time to pause. Sometimes we need someone to hold our feet to the floor so we don’t get distracted. The retreat is an opportunity to focus.

The retreat also provides a structure that guides you to reflect. Perhaps you will consider new questions you have never asked yourself before. Looking from new perspectives expands what you can see.

Meeting and sharing in a group is more powerful than sitting by yourself. Another parent may share an experience or insight that inspires new awareness for you.

My Nurture Your Family Retreat is only a two hour investment, and it can give you a whole year of joy for 2016 and for a lifetime.

Your relationships with yourself and with your family are too important to leave to your emotional reactions. I invite you to invest in yourself and your family by joining us in retreat.

Here are the details.

Date: this Saturday, January 30

Cost: Fr*ee. My gift to you

To sign up, simply go here.

If you can’t be on the call live, sign up anyway so you can do this in a time convenient for you.

I hope you can join us. Invite your partner, your parents, your friends and family. Create magic!

Love,
Connie

Filed Under: Children, Grandparenting, Loving Yourself, Parenting, Parenting Tips

Connect with your child’s heart

February 20, 2015 By Leave a Comment

Our lives are so filled with activity – things to do, accomplish, people to connect with, things we want our children to hear and do – that we easily forget to listen. We don’t feel we have time to listen. To slow down enough to be fully present with our kids.

In workshops I have taught about listening, most people discover two life-changing insights:

  1. They are not very good listeners. They want to talk and have someone listen to them.
  2. Having someone deeply listen and be present when they talk feels wonderful and oddly disquieting because it happens so seldom. They struggle to know what to say.

Do either of thees feel familiar to you?

When we don’t feel listened to, even when we’re surrounded by others, we feel isolated and alone. This happens for many people, including your child.

Your child’s words and feelings are important to him. Even more important, is having us be present and listen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I invite you to join me tomorrow, Saturday 21, for “Our Children’s Inner Brilliance Community Call”, to learn do-able, specific tools, insights and actions to help you become a better listener with your child…and with everyone else in your life who is important to you.

Remember, if you can’t make it live, sign-up anyway, and you’ll receive the recording of the call soon after.

If you’re not already a member of  our Community, sign-up for the class here.

If you want to find out more about “Our Children’s Inner Brilliance Community” and to join, go here.

I look forward to connecting with you tomorrow.

Celebrating Inner Brilliance!
Connie

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Living Outside the Box with Your Child 

September 19, 2014 By Leave a Comment

As a young person growing up on a farm in rural Iowa, I lived in an area where many people “knew your business.” It’s a place where you could get a reputation if you stepped outside the box or if someone even suspected you had.

So I tried to fit in, even though I never really felt that I did. I tried to put on a good show so no one would know how isolated and lonely I felt. As you can imagine, this was incredibly restrictive and limiting to me, and , yes, I did get an undeserved reputation from people who had no idea who I was.

Fast forward to becoming a mom at 27 when I made a conscious choice to raise my son in a way that made sense to me. I had observed other parents relating with their children, and I had seen the limitations of the ‘usual approach.’

I wanted no part of it. I knew my son – all children – were much more than the adults around them realized. No more trying to fit in or not stand out as different.

I chose to focus on the two things that really mattered to me –

I wanted Orion to be who he was, not who society, the education system, or I wanted him to be. I wanted to support him in being his own person and living his truth. What I today call his Inner Brilliance.

I wanted to have a great relationship with him, where we were authentic, honest, and trusting with one another as people, not based on a traditional mother – son relationship.

These two priorities mattered more to me than anything, and I did my best to not let his room, schoolwork, friends, clothes, and other minor issues damage what mattered most.

If you ask Orion or I today, we will both agree these two priorities made all the difference as we continue to cherish our honest, loving relationship with one another.

Living outside The Box, parenting outside The Box requires two things:

1. The willingness and ability to think for yourself. To look around you with a questioning eye and to find your own way. Focusing on making your choices consciously and not simply going along with the crowd and fitting it.

2. The courage to trust your child and yourself. The courage to be seen as different and to stand out, most likely inspiring others to reconsider the choices they make as a parent. To be willing to fly in the face of authority and tradition, even when you’re scared and uncertain.

Now it’s your turn. What matters most to you as a parent? What are your highest priories for your child and yourself? I’m talking Big Picture things here. Not academic achievement or achievement of any kind. Not your fears or concerns. Dream big!

What do you really want to create / share / experience with your child?

Then let this be your guide. As you look at the day-to-day challenges, how can you honor your highest priorities as a person who is a parent and create a joyous, honoring relationship with your child?

************

An Invitation to join “Our Children’s Inner Brilliance Community’

Want to chose your highest priorities as a parent and learn how to stay focused on them through your day-to-day interactions with your child? This is exactly what we are going to talk about in our September Community Call on Saturday, September 27.

If you’d like to continue this exploration and discussion, I invite you to join ‘Our Children’s Inner Brilliance Community.’ where we explore this and other topics to nurture your child’s and your parenting Inner Brilliance.

This Community is for anyone – parents, grandparents, educators, concerned family and community members – who care about nurturing the Inner Brilliance of our children and who want to nurture them in being who they are.

Click here to learn more and join us today!

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Grandparenting, Loving Yourself, Parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

You are the expert!

September 4, 2014 By Leave a Comment

Note: This is the first part in a series on being an advocate for your child in school, from preschool to high school.

***********

If you’re a parent with a child in school, you’re probably gearing up for the coming school months. Ever notice the impact school has on your family and your communication with your child? How are you feeling about the start of school this year? How does your child feel?

Do you and your child feel more pressure and stress than during the summer or are you both excited?

My grandson just began first grade, and Orion, his wonderful daddy, has already visited Sebastian’s first grade class, and it’s just the first week of school. Sebastian’s new teacher has a Fly-On-The-Wall sign-up sheet so parents can visit the classroom early in the year. This is a great idea.

Orion made some important observations, and he’s going back to help in the classroom and to continue to observe. Knowing what’s happening with Sebastian while he’s at school is important to him.

Every parent needs to know what’s happening in their child’s classroom. Not just what the children are studying but what does it feel like to be in this classroom. Is the teacher genuinely kind? Is your child happy?

In my experience as a teacher and coach to parents and young people, I often see parents go along with the program, trusting the school staff, seeing them as the experts, and trying to implement what they have been directed to do, seldom questioning what is happening.

Even though school staff tell you what they want you to do, it is essential to research and evaluate for yourself and to make your child’s emotional and physical well-being your highest priority. Is your child flourishing at school, struggling, or just getting by?

Every child is born filled with a drive to learn and succeed in life, according to her Inner Brilliance, her inner knowing of what is best for her. What makes her heart sing. Your child is a natural born learner and no amount of ‘teaching’ can ‘teach’ her to learn.

It’s vitally important for parents to know and experience what their child experiences in the classroom for many hours a day, 5 days a week.

Schools are big places and often feel threatening and intimidating to young people of all ages. Children often see themselves as powerless and believe they need to conform and do what teachers tell them. They don’t know how or if they can speak up for themselves.

This is why she needs you, her parent, grandparent, or caretaker, to be her advocate, to look out for her and ‘have herr back.’ Many educators mean well, yet that doesn’t mean what they are doing or wanting what is best for your child.

It’s your job to pay attention, not in a paranoid, judgmental way, but by being conscious and aware of your child’s school environment.

Here are the three most important things to look for:

1. Does the teacher genuinely like and enjoy young people? Secondly and most important, does she like, admire and appreciate your child? Listen closely. Does she see wonderfulness in him?

As we all know, there are teachers who deeply care about children and enjoy their natural capabilities and brilliance. And there are teachers who only want children to do what they are told and to follow instructions without questioning.

Being a teacher is tough, given the standards and demands put on them by the government to follow the government’s mandates.

2.Does the teacher create a stimulating learning environment? Is your child curious and eagerly engaged in the classroom activities? Is she is eager to go to school every morning?

Children are hard-wired to succeed and to learn, and they do so with eagerness, joy, and curiosity. Is this how your child participates in his class? When he does his homework? Is he on-fire with learning the material and doing the assignments? Is he eager to tell you what he learned?

If not, this is a red flag the teacher is not creating a learning environment that nurtures your child.

3. Does the teacher create an environment in which your child feels emotionally and physically safe?

This is a big one and so seldom noticed. Bullying is bringing the extreme part of this to everyone’s attention, yet I have observed that school is often emotionally and even physically uncomfortable for children

Remember what it was like for you when you were in school? Did you feel you could be yourself and speak up? Was the teacher someone you deeply trusted and enjoyed? Was it comfortable having to sit still in those wooden chairs and be quiet for long periods of time?

Your child spends many hours in their school environment and is counting on you to be as diligent and selective about what is happening at school as you are at home.

I invite you to be your child’s biggest advocate this year, instead of an extension of the school. 

You are the expert and the one who cares most when it comes to your child.

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting, Parenting Tips, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Parent Job Description: School Advocate

September 2, 2014 By Leave a Comment

Note: This is the first part in a series on being an advocate for your child in school.

***********

If you’re a parent with a child in school, you’re probably gearing up for the coming months. Ever notice the impact school has on your family and your communication with your child? How are you feeling about the start of school this year? How does your child feel? What about 6 weeks from now?

My grandson just began first grade, and Orion, his wonderful daddy, has already visited Sebastian’s first grade class, and it’s just the first week of school. Sebastian’s new teacher has a Fly-On-The-Wall sign-up sheet so parents can visit the classroom early in the year. This is a great idea.

Orion made some important observations, and he’s going back to help in the classroom and to continue to observe. Knowing what’s happening with Sebastian while he’s at school is important to him.

Every parent needs to know what’s happening in their child’s classroom. Not just what the children are studying but what does it feel like to be in this classroom. Is the teacher genuinely kind? Is your child happy?

In my experience as a teacher and coach to parents and young people, I often see parents go along with the program, trusting the school staff, seeing them as the experts, and trying to implement what they have been directed to do, seldom questioning what is happening.

Even though school staff tell you what they want you to do, it is essential to research and evaluate for yourself and to make your child’s emotional and physical well-being your highest priority. Is your child flourishing at school, struggling, or just getting by?

Every child is born filled with a drive to learn and succeed in life, according to her Inner Brilliance, her inner knowing of what is best for her. What makes her heart sing. Your child is a natural born learner and no amount of ‘teaching’ can ‘teach’ her to learn.

It’s vitally important for parents to know and experience what their child experiences in the classroom for many hours a day, 5 days a week.

Schools are big places and often feel threatening and intimidating to young people of all ages. Children often see themselves as powerless and believe they need to conform and do what teachers tell them. They don’t know how or if they can speak up for themselves.

This is why they need you, their parent, grandparent, or caretaker, to be their advocate, to look out for them and ‘have their back.’ Many educators mean well, yet that doesn’t mean what they are doing or wanting what is best for your child.

It’s your job to pay attention, not in a paranoid, judgmental way, but by being conscious and aware of your child’s school environment.

Here are the three most important things to look for:

1. Does the teacher(s) genuinely like and enjoy young people? Secondly and most important, does she like, admire and appreciate your child? Does she see wonderfulness in him?

As we all know, there are teachers who deeply care about children and enjoy their natural capabilities and brilliance. And there are teachers who only want children to do what they are told and to follow instructions without questioning.

2.Does the teacher create a stimulating learning environment? Is your child curious and eagerly engaged in the classroom activities? Is she is eager to go to school every morning?

Children are hard-wired to succeed and to learn, and they do so with eagerness, joy, and curiosity. Is this how your child participates in his class? When he does his homework? Is he on-fire with learning the material and doing the assignments? Is he eager to tell you what he learned?

If not, this is a red flag the teacher is not creating a learning environment that nurtures your child.

3. Does the teacher create an environment in which your child feels emotionally and physically safe?

This is a big one and so seldom noticed. Bullying is bringing the extreme part of this to everyone’s attention, yet I have observed that school is often emotionally and even physically uncomfortable for children

Remember what it was like for you when you were in school? Did you feel you could be yourself and speak up? Was the teacher someone you deeply trusted and enjoyed? Was it comfortable having to sit still in those wooden chairs and be quiet for long periods of time?

Your child spends many hours in their school environment and is counting on you to be as diligent and selective about what is happening at school as you are at home.

I invite you to be your child’s biggest advocate this year, instead of an extension of the school. 

You are the expert and the one who cares most when it comes to your child.

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting, Parenting Tips Tagged With: , , , , ,
Next Page »