Your Child is NOT the Cause of Your Frustration

June 10, 2013 By Leave a Comment

This is a gentle reminder about my one-time-only teleclass tonight: “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child.”

I just received an email from a mom in our community who wondered about something I said in my last email.

What I wrote: “When you increase your awareness of what is stirring up your anger — it is NOT your child — then you begin to have needed awareness and strategies to calm to your inner emotional fire.”

Her question – Is this really true? “I’m curious why the child isn’t a potential source of the [parent’s} emotional response.”

This is certainly how it feels. Your anger and frustration seem to be caused by your child’s behavior. Yet, by stopping here and not questioning this belief or your anger, you miss important insights about yourself and your part in your repetitive frustrations with your child.

You really are in charge of your emotional responses, as hard to understand as that may be. It’s all about perception. Your child is NOT the source of your anger.

This is exactly what we are going to discuss tonight in the teleclass:

  • Why you really are the one responsible for your feelings of frustration
  • What are the real sources of your anger and frustration
  • How to take responsibility for your own emotional upsets
  • Specific, concrete strategies to deal with these real sources of your frustration.
  • Communication skills to prevent future upsets and make amends for your actions.

I have consistently found the most important and first place to put your attention is on yourself…as annoying as that may be. It is your only true, long-term source of power and positive influence with your child and your happiness.

Want to learn more about this personally empowering approach to handling your emotional upsets about your child?

Great! I invite you to join us for our call tonight “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child.” If you can’t be on the call live, sign-up and you’ll have the audio recording by tomorrow morning.

Click here now to take action and sign-up.

 

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Are You Secretly Hoping for a ‘Perfect’ Child?

June 7, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Becoming impatient with your child is not something you think about. It’s something that seems to happen out of nowhere when your child does something you don’t like, something that doesn’t fit your idea of how and who he should be.

Your impatience occurs because an emotion is triggered within you, and you react. You cannot think your way to controlling your temper and managing your reactivity. You have to explore, observe, and feel your way to greater inner awareness and clarity.

In my coaching with parents, I’ve discovered many parents secretly hope for a ‘perfect’ child. A child who is always cooperative and does what you say instantly, and he does it happily.

Raising a ‘perfect’ child certainly seems like it would make parenting so much easier. There would be no conflict. She would always say and do the right things. He’d easily be nice and get along with everyone. You would be such a proud parent.

Sounds a little silly, right? You want your child to be the human being he is. The perfect child would get a little boring, and you’d begin to wonder what’s going on with your child…after months of enjoying his perfection. 🙂

Joking aside, the reality is that every time you feel impatient with you’re unconsciously wishing your child were different, were more the way you believe he should be. You’re resisting the reality of who he is right now.

Of course, you have to have structure and your needs and wants matter. Right now, I’m pointing out a possible source of your frustration.

Obviously, your child is a unique, whole, separate person.

Obviously, your child is going to have her own opinion and ways of doing things.

The next time you feel resistant and annoyed with what your child is doing, see if you can pause, take a deep breath, and notice what you believe your ‘perfect’ child should do. See if you can create some space between your belief and your emotional trigger.

See if you can find a little amusement with yourself for your humanity.

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Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about my upcoming new teleclass “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child” on Monday, June 10.

If you’d like more insights about:
What triggers you emotionally with your child
How to be less reactive and more responsive to your child
How to clean up the hurt, distance, and mistrust after you speak angrily with your child

I invite you to sign-up for my teleclass today! I’ll be sharing lots more goodies and strategies with you then.

Click here to sign-up and learn more.

 

Filed Under: Children, Fun, Grandparenting, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Impatience with Your Child is Your Invitation to Grow!

June 7, 2013 By Leave a Comment

“Your impatience with your child is your invitation to grow.” Usually parents groan and lean back in their chairs when they hear me say this. This is not the answer they were hoping for.

“Isn’t there some way I can get my child to change so I don’t become so frustrated with her?” they think. “I was hoping there is a quick technique I can use with her behavior so she’ll do what I want.”

Wonderfully for you, the answer to that question is “No. Not if you want a close, happy relationship with your child Not if you’re looking for a long-term solution and not just a short-term quick fix. Not if you want your child to blossom into her potential.”

The things your child does that annoy or irritate you are such gifts to you as a person, even though it doesn’t feel that way at the time. They are your pathway to growing as a person and becoming an even better parent.

Many of you have heard me say, “There is only one person whose behavior you can change.” — More groans.

What makes this so difficult to hear? Because it seems to be human nature to want the other person to change. Wouldn’t that be so much easier than wrestling with and figuring out your part in your un-fun interaction patterns?

When you wrestle with your own limiting beliefs and emotions, you discover new insights and understandings about yourself, your child and how to create a partnership that works for both of you.

This is one of the best gifts of being a parent – being called on by your child’s uniqueness to let go of limiting beliefs and emotions that no longer serve you. Your child’s irritating response to you and your own angry or harsh response to your child are action-stirring feedback that it’s time to look int he mirror.

When you step back and take the time to reflect, there are all kinds of possibilities of what you’ll discover. Perhaps you’ll realize:

  • You’re expecting or demanding too much of your child.
  • Your own fears or desire to be the perfect parent or to have a perfect child are getting in the way.
  • Your child is ‘running the show’ too much in your family.
  • This issue is not a battle worth fighting.
  • This list goes on…

I invite you to explore with me what your impatience is telling you and what you can do to have more harmony, ease, and fun relating with your child. This getting frustrated, angry, or hurtful with your child is so limiting for everyone both now and in the future.

I promise you it can be so much easier!

Ready to explore?

Great! My new Parenting Solutions teleclass “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child” is Monday, June 10.

Click here now to sign-up and learn more.

I invite you to put yourself in the driver’s seat of your own emotions, beliefs, and choices. Learn new ways to deal with your frustrations and stress without being negative toward your child. The price to your family is way too high.

 

Filed Under: Children, Fun, Grandparenting, Parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

De-Stress Your Life for Parents Part 2

May 15, 2013 By Leave a Comment

As part of ‘De-Stress Your Life for Parents Month,’ here is another video to keep you moving forward.

I discovered the Cycle of Stress a couple of weeks ago when I was planning my class on de-stressing for parents. Even though the topic may sound boring, it is quite fascinating how we add to the stress we experience.

This video will:

  • give you a bigger perspective and understanding how stress gets triggered
  • the role you play in keeping stress going–Yes, you are a key player!
  • greater clarity about what you can do to experience less stress and be more connected to yourself and your family.
Are ready to take action to have less stress in your life?

In my “De-Stress Your Life for Parents” downloadable program, you will :

  • Learn the true cause of most, if not all, of your stress. It’s seldom talked about!
  • Discover the two most compelling reasons to de-stress your life now. You’ll be surprised!
  • Have at your finger tips a menu of do-today strategies to get yourself back on track when things get tough.
  • Come away with personal insights about you and your unique ways of coping with stress.

Click here to find out more.

I invite you to make de-stressing a priority in your life. This alone will make profound positive changes for you and your family.

To your Joyous Family!
Connie

Filed Under: Current Affairs, Fun, Grandparenting, Loving Yourself, Parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

That Annoying ‘Taken for Granted’ Feeling

November 27, 2012 By Leave a Comment

For those of you in the U.S., I hope your Thanksgiving was joyous and that you shared many warm, precious moments with your family. For me, it felt even more wonderful that usual. Here is what I’ve discovered.

For me, a joyous Thanksgiving means…

Feeling lovingly connected and relaxed with my family

Preparing, enjoying, and celebrating good food together

Sharing the food preparation so everyone contributes and does as much as s/he wants

Making pumpkin pie with ease the day before with two wonderful grandchildren ready with a tasting spoon each

Feeling refreshed and nourished at the end of the day

Cherishing my wonderful memories of a day well lived

What made your day special for you?

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That Annoying ‘Taken for Granted’ Feeling

When I talk deeply and honestly with parents about their parenting challenges, there is one that eventually surfaces. Buried under layers of their child’s misbehaviors is the feeling of being taken for granted by their child.

Feeling unappreciated and recognized for all they give and do for their child. Sometimes they call it “feeling disrespected.”

This truth is often shared quietly and with a feeling of shame and hesitancy to admit it, even to themselves.

What I find is parents often ignore this feeling because they’re focused on their child’s observable behaviors, the things they can see and hear, and not on the sub-text of their communication together.

Sometimes they don’t recognize it because they are busy doing, giving, and taking care of their child.

Does this sound familiar?

On the slip side, sometimes parents don’t recognize appreciation from their child when it is given, for example when your child does something thoughtful for you or gives you a big hug and says, “I love you!”

Often when parents feel unappreciated and taken for granted, their tempers flare more easily because they feel exhausted and drained. Yet, underneath this lies the debilitating feeling of being unappreciated for all they give to their child.

If you feel taken for granted, it is not a flaw in your child. The truth is your child longs to feel loving and appreciative toward you. She may not consciously recognize this desire nor have the awareness, but she feels it, nonetheless …even your seemingly uncaring teen or tween.

If you want to feel more appreciated by your child of any age, then it is you who must step up to make the change in yourself. It is you who has the insight, awareness, and resources to create a better relationship between you and your child.

I invite you to explore this for yourself. Here are some questions to get you started.

1. What are the ways or situations in which you feel appreciated by your child?

2. What are the things you do for your child that leave you feeling exhausted and taken for granted?

3. What are the things you’d most like your child to appreciate about you or what you’ve done or given? Write them down.

4. What does being taken for granted feel like to you?

5. What do you do or say when you feel taken for granted by your child?

What are the times you feel appreciated by your child? Please let me know in the Comments below.

Today is a great day to take action! If you’d like some help knowing how to have your child appreciate you more, I invite to you get my video series “How to Foster Heart-Felt Appreciation, Politeness, and Kindness in your Child.”

You can get this program for almost 50% off from now until this Friday, November 30.

Click here to get this for yourself and your child.

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Connie Recommends: “How to Foster Heart-Felt Appreciation, Politeness, and Kindness in your Child”

If you’d like to learn a new, easier approach that actually gets results without all of the reminding and frustration, I invite you get my new video series “How to Foster Heart-Felt Appreciation, Politeness, and Kindness in your Child.”

Every parent wants their child to be on their best behavior during the holidays and year round. This creates a lot of stress for you and your child. That makes this an excellent time of year to support your child to develop and live the art of heart-felt appreciation and kindness.

This information-packed video series teaches you specific steps you can implement immediately and will be invaluable for children of all ages. Plus, you’ll be able to watch the videos anytime, anywhere that is convenient for you, especially during this busy time of year.

You can get the video series for almost 50% off plus a F.EEE bonus by acting today.

Click here to get your program and to learn more..

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What’s Connie Up To?

Saturday, January 5

Imagine setting aside a few short hours to focus on your family and to reflect on what worked and didn’t work in 2012. Then be guided through a process to help you clarify your priorities for 2013 and to create specific ideas and plans to make the New Year even more harmonious, fun, and easy with your child. This F.REE event will be from 9 – 11:30 am Pacific.

Mark your calendars! I’ll send you more information as the time gets closer.

End of January Joyous Parenting Training

This is the class that will rock your socks when it comes to parenting and lay a foundation of deep understanding of how to be the parent your child wants you to be, the parent you will most enjoy being. Seven classes plus options for additional support. More info coming soon.

Filed Under: Children, Grandparenting, Loving Yourself, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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