Myth-Busting Bullying:The Bully is Not the ‘Bad’ Guy

September 12, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Bullying is so intricately tied to how we relate to one another, how we perceive one another, that it is important for every parent to have a clear understanding of the dynamics and causes of bullying.

Today’s video introduces key insights into the relationship between the ‘bully’ and ‘victim’ and how we as parents, educators and society respond to this limiting dynamic.

You’ll discover new ways of perceiving and understanding the relationships between all people of all ages, including your own painful beliefs about situations where you have been bullied..

The video is below.

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If you’d like to know what you can do to empower your child to be more confident with her peers and in other social situations, I invite you to join me for my new teleclass “How to Bully-Proof Your Child and What to Do If It Happens.”

This video series about Myth-Busting Bullying is the beginning content of the class in which you will discover:

  • A major cause of bullying that most experts overlook. You will be surprised!
  • Strategies to empower your child socially so she is less vulnerable to being bullied
  • The most important thing you can do to support your child to tell you when he’s been bullied. This is SO important!
  • How to best help your child respond to bullying – what works and what doesn’t

Click here to register and get more info.

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If you haven’t had a chance to watch the first two videos in the series, here are the links:

Myth-Busting Bullying: How Big a Problem Is It Really?

Myth-Busting Bullying: What’s It Really All About?

Has anyone ever told you that you were doing something ‘bad,’ and you were just doing the best you could at the time? Let us know in Comments below.

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Your Child is NOT the Cause of Your Frustration

June 10, 2013 By Leave a Comment

This is a gentle reminder about my one-time-only teleclass tonight: “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child.”

I just received an email from a mom in our community who wondered about something I said in my last email.

What I wrote: “When you increase your awareness of what is stirring up your anger — it is NOT your child — then you begin to have needed awareness and strategies to calm to your inner emotional fire.”

Her question – Is this really true? “I’m curious why the child isn’t a potential source of the [parent’s} emotional response.”

This is certainly how it feels. Your anger and frustration seem to be caused by your child’s behavior. Yet, by stopping here and not questioning this belief or your anger, you miss important insights about yourself and your part in your repetitive frustrations with your child.

You really are in charge of your emotional responses, as hard to understand as that may be. It’s all about perception. Your child is NOT the source of your anger.

This is exactly what we are going to discuss tonight in the teleclass:

  • Why you really are the one responsible for your feelings of frustration
  • What are the real sources of your anger and frustration
  • How to take responsibility for your own emotional upsets
  • Specific, concrete strategies to deal with these real sources of your frustration.
  • Communication skills to prevent future upsets and make amends for your actions.

I have consistently found the most important and first place to put your attention is on yourself…as annoying as that may be. It is your only true, long-term source of power and positive influence with your child and your happiness.

Want to learn more about this personally empowering approach to handling your emotional upsets about your child?

Great! I invite you to join us for our call tonight “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child.” If you can’t be on the call live, sign-up and you’ll have the audio recording by tomorrow morning.

Click here now to take action and sign-up.

 

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Are You Trying to Control Your Anger with Your Child?

June 8, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Most of us grow up being taught to worship the ‘God of Logic and Reason.’ You were mostly likely taught to use your intellect to think your way out of difficulties and to control your emotions. Because of this, you may be trying to use your rational mind to control your anger and frustration toward your child.

I’ve found the most effective way to work through emotional challenges is by focusing on your underlying emotions and to not try to suppress them and shove them under the rug. They are still there and will re-surface sometime in the future, probably with more intensity.

When you increase your awareness of what is stirring up your anger — it is NOT your child — then you begin to have needed awareness and strategies to calm to your inner emotional fire.

This is exactly why I am offering my one-time only teleclass “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child” on Monday, June 10. In this class, you will:

  • Become more aware of the under-lying causes of your irritation.
  • Learn new strategies to approach your repetitive challenges with your child so you stay cool as a cucumber.
  • Develop new skills to nurture your own emotional well-being.
  • Discover new tools to communicate with your child to reduce or eliminate the challenging moments.
  • Learn an effective 4- step process to ‘clean up the mess’ when you find yourself yelling at your child.

If you’re ready to turn anger and annoyance with your child toward greater calm and connection, I invite you to sign-up today for “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child.”

Click here now to sign-up and learn more.

Your relationship with your child is the most important asset when it comes to being a parent. Repetitive angry interactions dramatically harm and limit this relationship. Don’t let this affordable, easy opportunity go by!

 

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Are You Secretly Hoping for a ‘Perfect’ Child?

June 7, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Becoming impatient with your child is not something you think about. It’s something that seems to happen out of nowhere when your child does something you don’t like, something that doesn’t fit your idea of how and who he should be.

Your impatience occurs because an emotion is triggered within you, and you react. You cannot think your way to controlling your temper and managing your reactivity. You have to explore, observe, and feel your way to greater inner awareness and clarity.

In my coaching with parents, I’ve discovered many parents secretly hope for a ‘perfect’ child. A child who is always cooperative and does what you say instantly, and he does it happily.

Raising a ‘perfect’ child certainly seems like it would make parenting so much easier. There would be no conflict. She would always say and do the right things. He’d easily be nice and get along with everyone. You would be such a proud parent.

Sounds a little silly, right? You want your child to be the human being he is. The perfect child would get a little boring, and you’d begin to wonder what’s going on with your child…after months of enjoying his perfection. 🙂

Joking aside, the reality is that every time you feel impatient with you’re unconsciously wishing your child were different, were more the way you believe he should be. You’re resisting the reality of who he is right now.

Of course, you have to have structure and your needs and wants matter. Right now, I’m pointing out a possible source of your frustration.

Obviously, your child is a unique, whole, separate person.

Obviously, your child is going to have her own opinion and ways of doing things.

The next time you feel resistant and annoyed with what your child is doing, see if you can pause, take a deep breath, and notice what you believe your ‘perfect’ child should do. See if you can create some space between your belief and your emotional trigger.

See if you can find a little amusement with yourself for your humanity.

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Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about my upcoming new teleclass “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child” on Monday, June 10.

If you’d like more insights about:
What triggers you emotionally with your child
How to be less reactive and more responsive to your child
How to clean up the hurt, distance, and mistrust after you speak angrily with your child

I invite you to sign-up for my teleclass today! I’ll be sharing lots more goodies and strategies with you then.

Click here to sign-up and learn more.

 

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What Did You Discover?

April 2, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Over the weekend, I sent you an exercise to help you discover how much your child ‘wants’ to listen to you, the operative word here being ‘want.’ Have you had a chance to do it?

If you haven’t done it, I really encourage you to focus on the exercise questions I suggested for at least one evening with your child to see what you discover.

Stepping back to observe your interaction with your child will give you valuable new awareness and insights about yourself and your child. In my coaching and parenting classes, I frequently suggest parents observe a particular area of their family relationships to see what they discover. They often return with unexpected new insights.

Many parenting techniques rely on fear, rewards, and control to manage a child’s behavior and to get him to listen. Yet these approaches actually limit your child’s capability and full self-expression.

Plus, using bribes and reward dramatically harm your relationship with your child both now and in the long run. In the younger years, these strategies may appear to work and yield the results you want; however, as your child becomes a teenager, these old techniques put huge distances between you and your child.

Teens refuse to be controlled by their parents using these techniques.

Your child of any age wants a mutually honest, loving, trusting relationship with you. Without this kind of relationship with you, their desire and ability to listen diminishes.

A good way to begin to improve how much your child listens to you is with this easy, little-effort exercise. I encourage you to do it tonight!

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Here are the steps of the exercise:

1. Go about your day or evening observing the reality of your child’s desire to listen to you. Ask yourself these questions:

~ How much does my child want to listen to me?

~ What does she do that makes me feel this way?

~ What are the things I do that seem to cause her to pull back and not listen?

~ What are the things I do that seem to invite her to be closer and more connected to me and to want to listen and cooperate more?

2. Have fun observing yourself and your child.

3. Take a few moments and write your answers to the above questions.

4. Last question – What is my most important discovery or insight from observing how much my child wants to listen to me?

5. Share with me and other like-minded parents what you discover.
Share your discoveries and insights below.

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New Teleclass Next Monday! “Why Johnny Doesn’t Listen and What You Can Do About It”

An essential component of Joyous Parenting is having your child listen to you. Trying to raise and live with a child who doesn’t listen is exhausting and stressful. As a parent, you work much harder than you need to.

If you wish getting your child to listen were easier, I’d love to have you join us next Monday for this valuable class filled with practical tools you can use immediately.

If you’re busy next Monday, don’t use that as an excuse not to get this useful information that will make a profound positive difference in how your child listens to you and how much you enjoy one another.

Click here to sign-up and for more info.

Many people believe that parenting is one of the hardest jobs on the planet. It doesn’t have to be. With a few simple tools and insights and your willingness to grow as a person and a parent, parenting can be the truly joyous experience you envisioned when your child was born.

Here’s to making parenting easier and a lot more fun!

To your Joyous Family!
Connie

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