What’s the Big Deal about Toothpaste?

(as seen through the eyes of our 6-year-old grandson Sebastian)

Connie and Doug, aka Grandma and Grandpa, are really cool grandparents. They give me lots of freedom to do what I want, they care about me, and they don’t make a big deal out of a lot of things…spilling things, breaking things, not saying “please” or “excuse me” when I burp.

But there’s one thing, until recently, that has bugged them that I don’t understand. You see, I’m a capable, curious boy, and I like discovering how to do things. I’ve watched Mommy and Daddy and my grandparents put toothpaste on a toothbrush ever since I was little, and recently I’ve decided I’d like to know how to do it myself.

It doesn’t look that hard – point the toothpaste toward my brush, squeeze the tube, until the toothpaste comes out, and goes onto the brush. Easy peasy!

The thing is, I always seem to squeeze it too hard and LOTS of paste comes out, way too much, and it makes a mess. Then Connie and Doug get upset and tell me I’ve used too much.

I know it’s too much. I tell them I’m sorry, but I can tell they’re kinda upset. I feel bad. They’re relaxed about lots of stuff, but I figure it’s only toothpaste. Is it really that big a deal? How else am I going to learn if I don’t get to try it?

Last night was different. Connie told Doug she would help me with my toothpaste, but I’d already decided to stop trying. I told her, “No. You can do it.” But she insisted and told me she knew I could do it.

She started by making me slow down a bit so she could show me how to squeeze the tube a little bit and then handed the toothbrush to me so I could do it. I was amazed at how easy it was and how I only have to squeeze the tube a tiny bit.

Grandma Connie doesn’t like to get mad or be upset with me. I know she wants me to be happy. I think she figured out it’s only toothpaste, and I’m way more important than that.

I’m growing up and want to do new things. I just need a chance to learn. Every time I’m told ‘no’ or been yelled at or gotten into trouble, I feel bad about me. I feel a little smaller and less capable, and I feel more alone.

You know, I’m a pretty sensitive kid, even though I try not to show it. I’m happy most of the time, speak up about what I want, and try new things easily.

Little things, like toothpaste, can make a big difference.

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What are the situations and the ways in which your child of any age wants to stretch and grow, to try something new? Are you giving him space to make mistakes and learn on his own, or are you focused on making him act the be the way you think he should?

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