What’s Wrong with Children Today?

We seldom want to look at the statistics about suicide in children
and young people, but they are important to consider. As parents
and educators we tend to ignore this subject, pretending it doesn’t
happen in "good" families. The belief is that suicide happens only
in troubled families to troubled children.

At the ChildSpirit Conference I attended in November, Joseph
Chilton Pearce, author of numerous books including The Magical
Child, gave us a startling statistic. "Suicide is the third leading
cause of death among children and young people". This number
includes only the young people who succeed, not those who attempt
and live.

He said this is unprecedented in the history of humankind. Never
before have we witnessed children ending their own life in such
numbers. (Additional figures from the American Academy of Child and
Adolescent Psychiatry: Suicide is the third leading cause of death
for 15-to-24-year-olds, and the sixth leading cause of death for
5-to-14-year-olds.)

These are shocking statistics! They cry out for us to wake and to
pay attention. Most of us never think of children ages 5 – 14
committing suicide.

Child and youth suicide is important because it is the tip of the
iceberg. What lies beneath the water’s surface are all the other
expressions of emotional dis-ease in children. These include ADD,
teen’s dropping out of school, over-weight children, depression,
anxiety, excessive time watching TV and playing video games,
defiance, tantrums and emotional upsets, and repetitive conflicts
with others.

The fact that suicide rates in young people are higher than they
have ever been in the human history indicates the pervasiveness of
the problem. It demands our attention, not because your child will
commit suicide some day, but because your child is being raised in
the same emotional cultural stew. You don’t want your child or
students to be another statistic of emotional discomfort.

In the last two months, I heard about the suicides of two men in
their early twenties that shocked their families and those who knew
them. Both men were highly successful and were leaders in their
field. To everyone around them, they appeared happy and to be
living full lives. Yet something was seriously wrong with their
internal experience of themselves and of life.

Reason tells us, suicide is not something that is done lightly and
for insignificant reasons. It is an act of desperation, of seeing
no other way. It is the ultimate expression of profound loss,
futility, failure, powerlessness, hopelessness, or anger.

Our culture tends to ignore emotional pain and discomfort. We ask
children to suppress their unhappy feelings and then place extreme
pressures on them to succeed and to meet society’s and our
standards. We ask them to be someone other than who they are, and
then wonder why they do irrational, hurtful things.

We all love and enjoy the innocence and tenderness of young
children. We want them to keep it forever. This innocence and
tenderness is based on their emotional sensitivity, their
connection with their feelings and their awareness of the feelings
of others.

Acts of suicide and violence in children are cries for us to wake
up as individuals and as a society. What’s wrong with children
today? Nothing. Children are as loving, brilliant, and  joyous as
ever.

What’s wrong with children are their relationships with important
adults in their lives, their relationship with themselves,
traditional models of education and the emotional environment in
which they are being raised. When we ignore a child’s emotional
wholeness, we do it at our peril. The cost of ignoring emotional
wholeness in children and in one’s self is high.

In order for young people to flourish emotionally, they need
several things. They need safe relationships where they can be who
they are and where they can honestly talk about their needs,
desires and feelings. They need internal strategies to handle the
emotionally painful times. They need people who believe in them
always. They need a strong, positive ground of being within
themselves.

How can you give this to your child and to your students? Begin
today to pay attention to the emotional wholeness of your child.
Gain understanding and develop approaches that nurture his positive
experience of himself and of life. Give him the nurturing and tools
he needs for a joyous, fulfilling life.

This is why I created my Parenting with Joy Training and why I do
the work I do. Your child’s emotional wholeness is the foundation
for her life. When her emotional wholeness is strong and clear, she
can accomplish so much and be fulfilled and happy as a person. This
is the most important gift you can give your child and your students.

You lay an emotional foundation for your child, whether you are
aware of it or not. Every interaction with your child and every
experience she has in life creates the emotional environment in
which she develops. These experiences help her build strong
emotional resources or they weaken her internal resilience and
ability to flourish. This is true whether your child is six weeks,
6 years or 16 years old.

Commit today to making your child’s emotional wholeness a priority.
Then watch what new things you discover and what experiences occur
in your child’s life and in your own.