Parents often share with me their concern about their child’s frequent use of technology, their seeming ‘addiction’ to all things virtual – texting, video games, instant messaging, cell phones, game boys in addition to TV and movies.
Recently I came across an article about children and technology by child psychologist and author David Elkind of Tufts University. I’ve always had great respect, affinity and admiration for his ideas and teachings.
In his article, Elkind reflects on the many changes a child experiences because of our technological society…the focus on speed in making things happen, general cultural changes of feeling busier and more rushed to get things done.
Cell phones and IM that feed into the divide between children and their parents because they have easy and immediate access to friends 24 / 7.
Before the digital culture, there was a language and lore of childhood – games, songs, rhymes, stories passed down verbally from generation to generation. Remember “The Itsy, Bitsy Spider?” Now young people have access to information from all over the world with little need or time for such ‘silly games.’
One of the things that most concerns me is the loss of 8 – 12 hours per week of unstructured play and outdoor pastimes. Elkind reminds us “spontaneous play allows children to use their imagination, make and break rules, socialize with each other…nurtures their autonomy and originality.”
These are hugely essential developmental experiences and skills that naturally develop problem-solving skills, social skills, self-expression, deep connection to one’s self, and creativity. If we limit these in our children, we “dumb them down” as author-educator John Taylor Gatto would say, and advance a mindless lack of awareness of self, others, and the realities of life.
Elkind concludes, “For all of those reasons, it is more incumbent than ever for parents to continue to reach out and connect with their children. At a deeper level, our young still very much want and need the love, support and guidance of their parents. Even digital children and adolescents need a hug.”
Yes! Our natural human gifts are essential for emotionally and socially healthy human development, joy and fulfillment in life, human connection, compassion and love.
I’m not sure of technology’s physical addictiveness, but I do see what makes it so psychologically addictive. It helps us meet our emotional and social needs for connection, belonging, stimulation, and creativity in a limited replication of living and connecting with others.
The biggest price of technology to our children is they develop relationships via technology, which is a distant version of face-to-face human connection and interaction. Connecting virtually limits intimacy with others. It can be a comfortable place to hide-out when relating with others face-to-fact feels emotionally uncomfortable.
This is why it is so important in our technology-filled time to connect with your child honestly, authentically, profoundly. When you and your child are emotionally available to one another, intimacy, trust, joy and love flourish.
How are you struggling with your child’s use of technology? Please share with me your concerns.
If you want more information how to create an authentic, trusting relationship with your child and to nurture his/her self-confidence, I invite you to sign-up for my Joyous Parenting Training beginning
July 15.
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