A Dad’s Response

My Parenting Tip last month was “Take care of yourself first.” Here is a a dad’s response.

"A great and timely tip.  I often struggle with guilty feelings over spending time doing what I want and need over what my two boys want to do.  Sports are a good example.  We have been allowing them to play one sport (traditionally it’s been soccer, but it’s their choice) a year and it runs from August through November. 

"Now, my oldest wants to play Lacrosse, which runs from January through May, because a friend of his is playing.  My first impulse is to say no.  Spring is the time that I start hiking on the weekends and we go on family camping trips. – the last thing I want to be doing is spending another five months of weekends going to Lacrosse meets.  When I mention my dilemma to other parents they look at you like you have two heads and it seems that they have no life beyond taking their kids to sports all the time.

"As a dad I want my kids to be able to experience many different things so part of me feels selfish for wanting to spend time on myself at the expense of taking them to another game. 

"So, thanks for your, “Take Care of Yourself First” email.  Your words helped to reassure me that I’m on the right path."—Kevin

My Response—Kevin, thank you for sharing your experience with me. I celebrate your courage and clarity in listening to yourself. There are many excellent advantages to your choice regarding your boys’ participation in sports.

First, you’ve given your sons a choice of the sport they want to play, and you support them in that with your time, attention, energy, and money. Then you’ve created a win-win that include both their needs and yours.

It is never good for you as a parent to give in to your boys’ demands or desires when it doesn’t feel good to you. They need your clarity, courage and strength to learn how to be clear, courageous, strong men.

Second, they gain much from sharing your loves and interests with you. It broadens their perspective and deepens their life experiences. Plus they get to know you as a person.

Third, young people today participate in many activities each week. Some of these are activities they love, some they do because their friend loves it, and some because their parents want them to do it.

I believe many young people participate in too many activities, more than what is good for their emotional, spiritual well-being. They become little “do-machines”, much like their parents who run them around to all of their activities.

When parents and children run around doing so many things, they lose their ability to feel their feelings. They spend most of their awareness in their mind, thinking about all of the things they need to do next. This creates a cultural phenomenon, by which we often suppress our emotions when we cover them up with continuous activity.

Finally, taking your boys on hikes and camping is one of the best gifts you can give them to help them find emotional and spiritual balance. Richard Louv recently wrote an excellent book about nature’s importance in your child’s life “Last Child in the Woods.” You can read more about this book in my August 9 post to this blog and you can purchase the book in the column to the left.

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