Failure to Launch

The movie Failure to Launch is very funny and entertaining. Matthew McConaughey and Sarah
Jessica Parker star in a story about a thirty-something man who lives at home
with his parents. Sarah is hired by his parents to get him to move out of the
family home.

This movie
addresses an increasingly prevalent phenomenon of young people moving back in
with their parents after college or never moving out at all. One of the special
features with the DVD is a collage of interviews with grown men who still live
at home and their parents as well as authors in the field.

The argument
presented by the men and their parents for living together is they love each
other and it makes practical financial sense. I totally understand this
perspective.

The thing
that concerned me, however, was the dependence and lack of autonomy and
personal freedom that both parents and children experienced in their
relationship with one another. All the men said they’d like to move out some
day and yet emotionally seemed unable to do so.

As I
listened to the parents talk, they want their sons at home to meet their
emotional, not the needs of their sons. Their sons needed to be empowered and
their emotional wholeness nurtured.

The foundation
of this kind of limiting relationship between parents and their children begins
when children are young. The pattern simply continues into adulthood. We see
more of these in modern times because of current parenting beliefs and
practices in our culture.

The only way
this kind of living situation can truly work and be emotionally healthy for
both parents and children is that each person has complete autonomy to be who
they are. The only agreements and expectations are based on sharing the
day-to-day necessities of living.

It is not
emotionally healthy or empowering to anyone when parents continue taking care
of their children in ways they can do for themselves. Then children struggle to
develop the skills they need to take care of themselves and fail to launch.