How Fulfilling and Easy is Being a Parent for You?

Last week I sent three quick questions to my mailing list:

1. What describes you best? (It's okay to select two if they are both true)
_____    Stay-at-home mom
_____    Working mom
_____     Professional mom
_____     Entrepreneurial mom
_____    Stay-at-home dad
_____    Working dad
_____    Professional dad
_____    Entrepreneurial dad

2. On a scale of 1 to 10 (with one being low and 10 being high), how easy and fulfilling is your over-all experience of being a parent? (Feel free to tell me why you picked the number you did)

3.  What are your two greatest challenges, concerns or questions keeping you from being the parent you most deeply long to be or that keep you from empowering your child to express his/her most positive, capable, joyous self? In other words, what keeps you awake at night as a parent?

I’ve been delighted and touch by the amazing number of responses and parents’ heart-felt honesty as they’ve shared their profound love for their kids and their desire to be the best parent they can be to their amazing children. Here are some of the comments I’ve received so far:

The Joys…
The over-riding message is how profoundly parents LOVE their children. This comes from a place in their heart that is so deep and so special.

“A definite 10 for fulfilling and an 7-8 for being easy.  A 10 because I can't imagine NOT having my children.  I live for my family and sacrifice so much for them.”

” I love my kids, enjoy them and think we have a respectful and loving relationship with them and am very proud of them.”

And whether they rate themselves a 1 or an 11 at fulfilling their soul’s calling, there are common themes in the challenges they share:

The Challenges…
Here are some of the common themes.

“harder than thought .My child doesn't listen and her friendships at school are hard to encourage her to play with nice kids as they are cliquey.”

“Wondering where things went wrong with my older daughter that has kept her at such a distance for the past 10 yrs (since she went to college) and wondering if there is anything I can do but wait and hope she comes back.”

“I worry about the school she's going to next month. Her old school had no homework, no testing, and minimal grading (mostly narrative). I don't know how to motivate her to value school either, esp. since I question my own having valued school perhaps way too much. (I was a nerd.) She'd really prefer to homeschool.”

“I'm just like my Mom.  I fight it every day.”

I worry so much about losing them…to any of the dangers in the world; drivers who aren't looking, kidnappers, sexual predators, guns, their own bad choices. I don't know if this keeps me from being a better parent, as I generally don't let my worry get in the way of their lives (I still give them freedom to explore as their friends do). My greatest challenge as a parent though, is having patience.”

“Stress of being with kids all day and lack of patience keep me from being the mom I would like to be.”
“I hope I can give her all the tools to be whoever she wants to be.”

“I was a stay at home mom and had to return to work. I feel guilty all the time and feel like I'm missing my son's life.”

“I'm not patient enough. I don't spend enough one-on-one time with them, or I don't listen enough”

“Managing emotions/reactions. Working to support a daughter with special needs (age 9) and wondering about her future”

It’s a Mixed Experience…
Some parents shared they experience a difference between fulfillment as a parent and how easy it is to be a parent. For these parents, fulfillment was higher than how easy it is.

“My kids are a joy to me and I love having them in my life.  However, some part of me will worry about them for the rest of my life – are they happy, safe, fulfilled?  Will they make the same mistakes as I made?  All things that I cannot control (which is another email altogether) and I know that, but still …”

“I’m learning to balance, adjust and modify as I see that things need to change. Yet I wouldn’t trade my experience for anything in the world.”

“Very mixed…..I have 2 daughters (22 and 28 yrs).  They are very different in their relationships with me.  the older one is extremely distant while the younger one is hot/cold.  When they were young (to middle school age) they were both extremely loving, affectionate, close and a pure joy.  The problem I experienced with motherhood was that I felt isolated and didn't take good enough care of myself.  I did, however, find parenthood itself really fulfilling (I had had a teaching career full time until my first child was born when I was 35). I would ever say it was easy. I enjoyed being a mom so much, yet found it problematic in some ways.

How about you? I'd love to hear your experiences! I'll continue to post the answers I receive through next week.

Just send an email to connie@joywithchildren.com or post a comment below.