Three Powerful Parenting Questions

Have you ever asked yourself ‘how to’ solve a challenging situation or concern with your child? This is the question parents ask me when they feel uncertain how to handle a difficult, on-going problem with their child.

You know the experience. Your older child is hitting his younger sister for the hundredth time after you’ve told him a zillion times not to do it. You’re late one more time getting out the door in the morning,making your child late for school and you rushing to get to work on time. Your child defies you one more time and you’re beginning to see red.

The really frustrating part is you’ve tried everything you can think of. You’ve explained, given a time out, created a chart on the refrigerator, yelled, taken away her toys, and cancelled a play date. Nothing makes a difference that lasts.

If you’re like many parents, you may be out of techniques to get your child to cooperative and behave. Sound familiar?

Parents often ask the “How to?” question, believing that there is a technique or right way to solve their problem. Yet parenting is not a science where you do Action A and your child reacts by doing Action B. It simply does not work this way.

Obviously you know this. Your child has taught you this. Yet most parents still think about their parenting challenges as if they are doing a science experiment or driving a car.

Being a parent and bringing out the best in your child is an art. It is a human art based on understanding what’s happening with you and your child emotionally. When you make powerful, effective choices that create an emotionally healthy relationship with your child, your child will naturally and easily make better choices and cooperate with you more. You’ll have more freedom and personal time.

So what can you do to be more effective at the art of parenting? Here are 3 questions you can ask to help you create a more healthy emotional relationship with your child?

1. What am I experiencing emotionally in this situation?

When the going gets tough, most parents don’t usually think about this question. Yet your emotions make a big difference when it comes to actually resolving your on-going parenting difficulties. I’m sure if you think about this just a moment, you’ll see the logic and practicality of it.

2. What is my child experiencing emotionally in this situation?

Your child’s behavior and choices are based on how he is feeling emotionally in the moment .Plus they’re also based on all the emotional decisions he has made about himself and life based on his previous life experiences.

When you understand your child’s emotional experience, you are more compassionate and insightful in knowing what to do next. Without it, you are like a ship lost at sea with no sense of direction about where to go next.

3. What do I want to be the emotional and practical results of this interaction?

Knowing the answer to this question will keep you focused on where you want to go. It will guide you to make a clearer choice that considers both you and your child. You’ll be less reactive and impatient.

Focus on the emotional factors to solve your parenting challenges.

If this sounds complicated, it’s actually simple when you understand the emotional dynamics of your relationship with your child. Begin by asking yourself these 3 questions, and you will find yourself being more skilled in the art of parenting. Then you’ll experience even more of the joy and ease of loving your precious child that you so deeply desire.