What Happened to Their Humanity? Part 1

December 11, 2009 By Leave a Comment

This is a question on everyone’s minds in Richmond, CA, where a group of approximately12 teens watched while several young men gang raped and beat a 15-year-old girl. This is truly a horrific story, shocking and disturbing to everyone that young men would violently injure and abuse this young girl.

The haunting question on everyone’s mind is, “What about the young people who stood around and watched? Why didn’t they do something to stop it? What happened to their humanity and their ability to take action to call authorities?”

When we hear stories like this, we believe once again that the next generation lacks basic human values. We feel judgmental of them and question their goodness.

But young people do not make these choices in a vacuum. Young people choose these actions based on many factors. It is not that they are inherently bad people. It is not that they didn’t know better.

We need to look to the emotional environments in which they have grown up.

If we want young people to act with humanity, we must treat them with humanity. We cannot yell at them, perceive them as failures, ignore their requests and ideas without damaging their natural moral values.

We must walk our talk as adults with children and everyone with whom we interact.

Children will never learn true humanity by being taught by a teacher or from a textbook.

True humanity comes from listening to the truth within their heart. We can help children use this natural ability by listening to the truth within their heart, no matter how insignificant or inappropriate it seems to us.

And by not unknowingly diminishing their humanity as people.

When we as educators, parents and society honor the goodness in children’s hearts, children will honor the goodness in their own hearts and in the hearts of others.

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Parenting

Grandparenting in Mendocino ’09

December 2, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Doug and I loved taking our 2-year-old grandson on our trip to Mendocino, a lovely, intimate town on the Northern California coast. As always, we stayed at the comfortable Inn at Schoolhouse Creek, a few miles south of town.

We enjoyed our hike up Jughandle Creek Trail to the Pigmy Forest at the summit. We all loved seeing the crazy abundance of mushrooms springing up everywhere. The most we've ever seen.

Sebastian practiced saying, "Mushrooms." Mostly it sounded like "Rooms." And he got really good at recognizing them.

The donkeys are at the Inn.

I hope you enjoy our photos!

PB230007 

PB230010

PB230016

PB230017

PB230020

PB230021

PB230023

PB230025

PB240027

PB240028

PB240032

This is Doug and Sebastian with Maureen, owner of The Inn at Schoolhouse Creek w/ husband Stephen, and their two children, Kayla and Max.

Filed Under: Children, Fun, Grandparenting, Travel

Important Cues to Your Child’s Emotional Well-Being

October 7, 2009 By Leave a Comment

We live in a society where what
you do and say is more important than how you feel. Because of this, most
parents aren’t very aware of their own feelings, not to mention their child’s.

In fact, we don’t often know what
to do with our emotions except ‘keep a stiff upper lip’ when things get hard
and try not to let others know how you really feel. We’ve somehow come to believe that so-called
negative, uncomfortable feelings like disappointment, self-doubt, embarrassment,
fear, anger or grief shouldn’t be expressed or talked about.

Children are born without this set
of rules, and they have no hesitation or fear of letting you know exactly how
they feel. This is part of what makes parenting so confusing. How to know which
of these feelings are important and which ones indicate a potential problem in
your child’s Emotional Wholeness.

Plus, most parents don’t really
know what emotional well-being looks like. Parents usually believe if their
child is smiling, she must be happy. Yet is this really true? How many times in
a day do you put a smile on your face even when you don’t feel truly happy?

In addition, you may be missing
cues of lack of self-confidence or self-esteem or feelings of being unloved
because you believe your child’s behavior is “normal” or that it’s just a phase
he is going through.

Yet, most so-called “normal child
behavior” is not emotionally healthy, and childhood phases can last a lifetime.

So, to help you out, here are four simple cues every
parent needs to be aware of if you want to deeply understand how your child is
doing emotionally. Remember what I always say: Your child comes with a manual. Your
job is knowing the secrets of HOW TO READ THIS MANUAL and then responding
effectively to bring out the best in your child!

Please note: Each of these cues apply to your child
no matter how old he is. Also, these are just a few of the more common indicators of a child’s emotional discomfort and lack of connection with you.

Cue # 1 Your child frequently doesn’t listen and
do what you say.

This one may surprise you since it occurs so often
that most people believe it is normal child behavior. It may be ‘normal’, and
it is an indicator that something is not working emotionally for your child.
Plus, every parent who talks to me about this problem would say it’s not
working for you the parent either.


Cue # 2   You and your
child frequently argue or yell at one another and get into power struggles with
each other. Sometimes your child
hits you or is physically rough with you.

Once again this looks ‘normal’ because it is so
common, and it is a strong indicator that that your child is struggling
emotionally in some way. Your child wants to get along with you so when he acts
defiant or as if he doesn’t care, he is loudly trying to get you to pay
attention to something deeply troubling him emotionally.


Cue # 3  Your child wants lots
of your attention or is clingy to you or lacks self-motivation to make wise
choices for himself.

A child naturally yearns to become increasingly
independent and autonomous. When he can’t seem to let you go and take care of
himself, something important is not working emotionally with your child. This
applies equally to a child who is 18 months old and to a child who is 18 years
old.



Cue # 4  Your child seems ‘perfect,’ seldom
challenging you and seems highly motivated to please you and do what is
expected.
This child may
become upset when she fails to achieve a desired goal or makes a mistake.

Almost every parent wants a ‘good’ child, but being a
‘good’ child isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. If you have a ‘good’ child who
seldom challenges you or disobeys you, she is hurting emotionally as much, if
not more, than the child who is defiant and uncooperative.

If you recognize any of these behaviors in your
child, she is telling you something is wrong emotionally. Trying to resolve this problem by getting your child
to change her behavior may change the behavior, but it won’t solve the
emotional cause of the problem, which is the most important part.

By learning how to read the emotional ‘manual your
child came with,’ you’ll create an emotionally healthy, empowering relationship
that nurtures and empowers you and your child. You’ll not only see your child’s behavior improve.
Being a parent will consistently become more joyous and easy for you, and
you’ll cherish the moments with your child.

Filed Under: Children, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , ,

Live Your Joy

September 9, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Doug and I had a magical, playful time riding and
horse camping in the redwoods. We did some exciting loping aka galloping on the
trails. Destiny and Echo are excellent at navigating narrow, winding P8270138 trails and
taking sharp turns smoothly and easily. All four of us had so much fun!

Here are a couple of photos of Destiny and me on the
trail. I couldn’t decide between the two so I decided to include them both.
When I see these, I am reminded of the beauty of life and nature and the
profound joy of living life to its fullest.

Lots of fun, exciting things happening here at Joyous
Parenting™ headquarters! I’m in the process of creating my first home study
program “How to Get Started with Joyous Parenting™”, which will be available in
a couple of months.

This simple program will get you started to have the
joy, ease, and connection you most desire with your child, and you’ll learn
effective, practical skills and insights that empower your child to be more
self-confident and cooperative. Watch for my announcement in a few weeks.

Plus I am expanding my focus to include all family
relationships, including your relationship with your partner and all family
members who are important to you. My new focus is Joyous  Families. So if you’d like to improve
your relationship and communication with a family member you love, email me to
time about your situation and what you’d like. I’ll share more about this soon.

In addition, I will be offering a new private
coaching program for busy parents who want deep, lasting family transformation
in the most time-efficient way possible. I’ll be announcing this soon.P8270166

Plus my next Joyous
Parenting Training begins in October. Here’s what one parent in my current
class says after only a few weeks,  Thanks for a great class.  I am
enjoying the process and the chance to hear other parents’ perspectives. Very
enlightening. Interesting how much I can relate to things people say. I
understand exactly what they are feeling. I really feel like this process is
helping me to grow as a person.

This all feels good… so much
better than going it without the "manual". I am benefiting so
greatly.

So if you’ve been thinking
about taking the Joyous Parenting Training, I recommend you make this the  time. Begin now to learn how to read the manual your child came with and have
parenting be so much easier and more fun. I’m putting together some cool
bonuses for this training. Watch for my announcement soon.

Have you ever asked yourself
‘how to’ solve a challenging situation or concern with your child? This is the
question parents ask me when they feel uncertain how to handle a difficult,
on-going problem with their child.

Asking “how to” is not the
best question for getting new insights and lasting results. I’ve found there
are other more important and helpful questions to ask yourself when times get
tough with your child.

Filed Under: Children, Parenting

Three Powerful Parenting Questions

September 9, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Have you ever asked yourself ‘how to’ solve a challenging situation or concern with your child? This is the question parents ask me when they feel uncertain how to handle a difficult, on-going problem with their child.

You know the experience. Your older child is hitting his younger sister for the hundredth time after you’ve told him a zillion times not to do it. You’re late one more time getting out the door in the morning,making your child late for school and you rushing to get to work on time. Your child defies you one more time and you’re beginning to see red.

The really frustrating part is you’ve tried everything you can think of. You’ve explained, given a time out, created a chart on the refrigerator, yelled, taken away her toys, and cancelled a play date. Nothing makes a difference that lasts.

If you’re like many parents, you may be out of techniques to get your child to cooperative and behave. Sound familiar?

Parents often ask the “How to?” question, believing that there is a technique or right way to solve their problem. Yet parenting is not a science where you do Action A and your child reacts by doing Action B. It simply does not work this way.

Obviously you know this. Your child has taught you this. Yet most parents still think about their parenting challenges as if they are doing a science experiment or driving a car.

Being a parent and bringing out the best in your child is an art. It is a human art based on understanding what’s happening with you and your child emotionally. When you make powerful, effective choices that create an emotionally healthy relationship with your child, your child will naturally and easily make better choices and cooperate with you more. You’ll have more freedom and personal time.

So what can you do to be more effective at the art of parenting? Here are 3 questions you can ask to help you create a more healthy emotional relationship with your child?

1. What am I experiencing emotionally in this situation?

When the going gets tough, most parents don’t usually think about this question. Yet your emotions make a big difference when it comes to actually resolving your on-going parenting difficulties. I’m sure if you think about this just a moment, you’ll see the logic and practicality of it.

2. What is my child experiencing emotionally in this situation?

Your child’s behavior and choices are based on how he is feeling emotionally in the moment .Plus they’re also based on all the emotional decisions he has made about himself and life based on his previous life experiences.

When you understand your child’s emotional experience, you are more compassionate and insightful in knowing what to do next. Without it, you are like a ship lost at sea with no sense of direction about where to go next.

3. What do I want to be the emotional and practical results of this interaction?

Knowing the answer to this question will keep you focused on where you want to go. It will guide you to make a clearer choice that considers both you and your child. You’ll be less reactive and impatient.

Focus on the emotional factors to solve your parenting challenges.

If this sounds complicated, it’s actually simple when you understand the emotional dynamics of your relationship with your child. Begin by asking yourself these 3 questions, and you will find yourself being more skilled in the art of parenting. Then you’ll experience even more of the joy and ease of loving your precious child that you so deeply desire.

Filed Under: Children, Parenting
« Previous Page
Next Page »