Shark’s Tale: Great Family Fun

A movie recommendation for those individuals and families who enjoy animation, Shark's Tale is great family fun. The music is happy with a cool beat. The colors vivid and inviting. The script interesting for young and old alike. The story sweet with the age-old reminder of the hurt and separation caused by not allowing your child to be who he is and the heart-felt joy by everyone when acceptance is found.

This movie was out a few years ago so you'll have to rent or buy it on DVD. It's worth owning.

Have Fun!!

No Fear, No Shame

The other
day I was taking care of my 14-month-old grandson Sebastian. We have a large
wall hanging in our living room of a beautiful group of horses looking over a
fence.

As I watched
Sebastian point to the wall hanging and loudly imitate the horses’ nickering
sound I have shared with him, I was suddenly struck by his confidence,
certainty, and feeling of safety in life
. I realized he shows no signs of fear
or shame. He trusts his mommie and daddy. He trusts me. He trusts life. This explains
his boldness, his confidence, and his openness..

Trust is a
fragile quality in a child, in all of us. When we trust, we feel open to life.
Trust allows us to be fully present to the people in our life. Trust frees us
to experience our innate joy and love.

Without
meaning to, parents and educators unknowingly do and say things that damage a
child’s ability to trust.
To trust himself. To trust us. To trust life.

How can you
tell when you’ve unintentionally lessened a child’s feeling of trust? Look at
her. Listen to him. They are telling you, and it is important that you listen.

 

 

 

 

Darth Vader

As promised, here are photos of my grandson Sebastian, His Royal Cuteness, on Halloween. He's the cutest Darth Vader I've ever seen!!

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The Price of Too Much Authority

“Downfall” is an intense,
historically-authentic film
about Hitler’s last days in his Berlin bunker. It’s
based on the documentary Blind Spot: Hitler’s Secretary, in which the German
dictator’s stenographer, Traudl Junge, tells her story of these emotionally
intense days.

What most touched me about the film
is the price paid in human clarity, compassion, and free will when someone
takes on the role of The Authoritarian and others submissively follow. When
people around the world reflect back on the events in Nazi Germany, they often
feel confused and appalled that a bright, educated people could allow the
atrocities committed in their name.

This film makes it powerfully clear.
It’s all about too much authority. When children are taught to follow
instructions and to obey their elders, the people in authority in their life,
they stop thinking for themselves. They lose their autonomy and independence
and easily succumb to doing what they are told, even when it goes against their
own inner sense of right and wrong.

There are powerfully dramatic
moments in the film that demonstrate the disconnect people have from their own
emotional wholeness when they unthinkingly give up their power and seniority to
someone to has obviously lost touch with reality. People urgently clinging to
the hope that Hitler will find a way out. People carrying out his orders to
fight to the last man even when circumstances indicate it is hopeless.

Even more poignant were the
suicides
, couples shooting each other, a mother poisoning her own children.
People partying and drinking as if everything were safe and normal.

All of these people were grown,
capable adults who continued their childhood pattern of doing what they were
told and not thinking for themselves.

For his part, Hitler was a
demanding, self-consumed little boy in an adult body who refused to accept the
downfall of his regime. He expected blind and total obedience, even after he
and his wife committed suicide together and left his closest followers and the
people of Germany to fend for themselves as Russian troops took over Berlin. He
was blinded by his own need to win and control.

The message to parents and educators
is to be aware and cautious of the obedience you seek to extract from your
children and students.
No one wins in a scenario of authoritarianism and
control by adults.

Naturally, parental and educator over-use of power seldom results in such extreme actions by young people; however, the cost to children and their caregiver are still high. Children’s natural brilliance and self-confidence is
diminished. Their ability to think for themselves and be true to themselves is
compromised. Plus you place yourself in the position of leader without always
knowing what you’re doing and where you’re going.

I highly recommend this movie “Downfall.”
There are a few vivid scenes, which can turn your stomach, yet it’s really
worth watching when you study what’s happening psychologically
and the
emotional damage caused by too much authority based on fear. This movie is not
for children or the faint of heart.

Failure to Launch

The movie Failure to Launch is very funny and entertaining. Matthew McConaughey and Sarah
Jessica Parker star in a story about a thirty-something man who lives at home
with his parents. Sarah is hired by his parents to get him to move out of the
family home.

This movie
addresses an increasingly prevalent phenomenon of young people moving back in
with their parents after college or never moving out at all. One of the special
features with the DVD is a collage of interviews with grown men who still live
at home and their parents as well as authors in the field.

The argument
presented by the men and their parents for living together is they love each
other and it makes practical financial sense. I totally understand this
perspective.

The thing
that concerned me, however, was the dependence and lack of autonomy and
personal freedom
that both parents and children experienced in their
relationship with one another. All the men said they’d like to move out some
day and yet emotionally seemed unable to do so.

As I
listened to the parents talk, they want their sons at home to meet their
emotional, not the needs of their sons. Their sons needed to be empowered and
their emotional wholeness nurtured.

The foundation
of this kind of limiting relationship between parents and their children begins
when children are young
. The pattern simply continues into adulthood. We see
more of these in modern times because of current parenting beliefs and
practices in our culture.

The only way
this kind of living situation can truly work and be emotionally healthy for
both parents and children is that each person has complete autonomy to be who
they are. The only agreements and expectations are based on sharing the
day-to-day necessities of living.

It is not
emotionally healthy or empowering to anyone when parents continue taking care
of their children in ways they can do for themselves. Then children struggle to
develop the skills they need to take care of themselves and fail to launch.