Hunger for Connection

December 3, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Excellent movies with heart, depth and
emotional sensitivity are rare. House of D, filmed in 2004, succeeded
brilliantly in all of these areas. The movie is a coming of age story about a
13-year-old young man who cries out for stable, emotional connection with
others and who is tossed about by life into having to find his answers and
strength within himself.

This story about the importance of relationships
during adolescence clearly shares with us the depth of caring and desire for
connection during this stage in life. Tommy, brilliantly and sensitively played
by Anton Yelchin, displays moral courage and integrity, making tough choices to
do what is right, even when the cost to him is high.

We don’t usually attribute these
qualities to teens. They often seem so cold, callous, and immoral by our
standards. What I’ve found is that every young person possesses within herself
the qualities displayed by Tommy in the House of D—depth of caring for people he
loves, desire for connection, moral courage and integrity.

Why aren’t these qualities obvious to
us adults?

  • We make moral judgments about their
    behavior and fail to see the heart of every teen.
  • We expect them to make choices based
    on our values, not on theirs.
  • We criticize them and then wonder why
    they put up emotional walls to protect them from our judgments.
  • We hide behind our walls of adulthood,
    parenthood, learned elder and miss the opportunity to authentically connect.

We can make other choices.  I see parents who take my Parenting with Joy Training find the clarity and courage to make new choices. Then they discover the heart and soul of their teen.

It is possible. What is your next step? Begin it today!

 

 

 

Filed Under: Children, Education, Movies, Parenting

Innovation in Education

November 20, 2008 By Leave a Comment

School has such a strong influence in children’s lives. It can either help them flourish as
autonomous, self-reliant individuals or it can diminish who they are by
teaching them to conform and to focus on pleasing others.

Recently I had
the pleasure to meet with Percy Abram, the head of Gateway School, a
progressive K – 8 school in Santa Cruz, CA. When I arrive, the school is abuzz
with activity and enthusiasm. I am struck by the beautiful outdoor environment adjoining
the ocean. The spacious areas are filled with child-friendly climbing and play
equipment, students’ projects and a school garden anticipating the arrival of
winter.

Inside, the
walls are decorated with colorful, intriguing children’s projects. Everywhere
you look the school invites you to participate, to touch and to explore. This
is a place for children. It calls to the child in me to see what I can
discover.

A special
annual second grade project, the ofrenda, celebrates El Dia de los Muertos, the
Day of the Dead, which falls on October 30 every year, the day before Halloween. The word ofrenda
means offering in Spanish. They are also called altares or
altars, but they are not for worshiping. Ofrendas are set up
to remember and honor the memory of their ancestors.

Children
and adults from all grades contribute hand-made skeletons and photos of departed
pets, family and friends. There are sugar skulls and chili pepper lights. Below are photos.

Imagine
what it is like for a young person who attends a school like this. Their
individuality, creativity, and authentic self-expression are encouraged and
supported. A school like Gateway makes a positive contribution to a child’s
life that lasts a life time.

Imagine
what it is like for a child whose day and behavior is tightly controlled and
structured. Where there is little opportunity or encouragement for
self-expression. Where doing and thinking what you are told is required for “success.”
Where the emphasis is on grades and passing a battery of tests during the year.
The impact of this school also lasts a lifetime.

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Filed Under: Children, Education, Parenting

The Price of Too Much Authority

November 12, 2008 By Leave a Comment

“Downfall” is an intense,
historically-authentic film about Hitler’s last days in his Berlin bunker. It’s
based on the documentary Blind Spot: Hitler’s Secretary, in which the German
dictator’s stenographer, Traudl Junge, tells her story of these emotionally
intense days.

What most touched me about the film
is the price paid in human clarity, compassion, and free will when someone
takes on the role of The Authoritarian and others submissively follow. When
people around the world reflect back on the events in Nazi Germany, they often
feel confused and appalled that a bright, educated people could allow the
atrocities committed in their name.

This film makes it powerfully clear.
It’s all about too much authority. When children are taught to follow
instructions and to obey their elders, the people in authority in their life,
they stop thinking for themselves. They lose their autonomy and independence
and easily succumb to doing what they are told, even when it goes against their
own inner sense of right and wrong.

There are powerfully dramatic
moments in the film that demonstrate the disconnect people have from their own
emotional wholeness when they unthinkingly give up their power and seniority to
someone to has obviously lost touch with reality. People urgently clinging to
the hope that Hitler will find a way out. People carrying out his orders to
fight to the last man even when circumstances indicate it is hopeless.

Even more poignant were the
suicides, couples shooting each other, a mother poisoning her own children.
People partying and drinking as if everything were safe and normal.

All of these people were grown,
capable adults who continued their childhood pattern of doing what they were
told and not thinking for themselves.

For his part, Hitler was a
demanding, self-consumed little boy in an adult body who refused to accept the
downfall of his regime. He expected blind and total obedience, even after he
and his wife committed suicide together and left his closest followers and the
people of Germany to fend for themselves as Russian troops took over Berlin. He
was blinded by his own need to win and control.

The message to parents and educators
is to be aware and cautious of the obedience you seek to extract from your
children and students. No one wins in a scenario of authoritarianism and
control by adults.

Naturally, parental and educator over-use of power seldom results in such extreme actions by young people; however, the cost to children and their caregiver are still high. Children’s natural brilliance and self-confidence is
diminished. Their ability to think for themselves and be true to themselves is
compromised. Plus you place yourself in the position of leader without always
knowing what you’re doing and where you’re going.

I highly recommend this movie “Downfall.”
There are a few vivid scenes, which can turn your stomach, yet it’s really
worth watching when you study what’s happening psychologically and the
emotional damage caused by too much authority based on fear. This movie is not
for children or the faint of heart.

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Movies, Parenting

Albert Cullum-A Great Educator

October 6, 2008 By Leave a Comment

I recently discovered the work of educator Albert Cullum
when I watched the documentary A Touch of
Greatness made about his work.  He was
an elementary school teacher and college professor and a brilliant, insightful,
courageous, innovative educator.

When he became a teacher in the 1940s, Albert
Cullum realized something was lacking in his classes and decided to stray from
the by-the-book, discipline-heavy style favored by his colleagues, instead
using poetry and drama to put life and emotion into his teaching.

When I looked him up in Wikipedia, this is what I found…

Albert Cullum (1920-July 2003) was an American elementary school
teacher in the 1960s. Instead of the standard Dick and Jane style of teaching, he opted to introduce his children
to classic literature such as Shakespeare and Greek dramas.

Unlike other
teachers at the time, Cullum strongly believed that learning and play could be
combined in the classroom. Cullum was the author of numerous books about
education including the best-selling The Geranium On The Windowsill Just
Died But Teacher You Went Right On, which sold over half a million copies.

He taught at St. Luke's School in Greenwich Village in the 1940s, and at Midland School in Rye, New York, in the 1950s. He then went on to become a professor of education
at Boston University and at Stonehill College

Many of Cullum's pedagogical experiments and class performances were
captured on film by irreverent filmmaker Robert Downey, Sr.

A documentary called A Touch of Greatness was made
about his life in 2004. This
documentary from Leslie Sullivan (produced by Catherine Gund) depicts a man who
challenged traditional teaching methods and proved that creativity has a place
in every classroom.

Cullum believed that within every child there is a touch of
greatness. It was his job to find that and nurture it. The movie speaks for
itself about the powerful results of his work. Many of his former students
gathered to reminisce and honor his amazing work.

The
documentary is great. You can either order it from Netflix or purchase it 
from Amazon.

To order the book or documentary from Amazon, just click on the link below:

 

Filed Under: Children, Education, Movies, Parenting

Your Child Learns Naturally

October 6, 2008 By Leave a Comment

As I watch
my one-year-old grandson Sebastian engage with his world, I am awestruck by his
focus, intensity, enjoyment and creativity to learn. He loves taking lids on
and off containers (for up to 15 minutes with one container!), opening drawers
and pulling things out (re-arranging them!), and watering plants with our
watering jug.

After many
months of getting stronger physically and learning effective ways to use his
body, he is walking much more than he crawls.

Children
naturally have a strong passion and ability to learn. We trust this process
when they are young children. They learn to walk and crawl and talk by watching
us and experimentation. We never assume they need us to “teach” them. We trust
their innate desire and ability to master these skills. We don’t sit them down
at a desk with textbooks and instruction sheets and attempt to teach them to
talk or to walk.

Yet
something changes in our perspective as your children grow older. As a culture
we believe we need those desks, textbooks, and instruction sheets if they are
to learn and succeed in life.  We begin
to impose structure and limitations, should’s and have-to’s on our children,
rather than trusting their natural joy, love and ability to learn by following
their own internal drives and knowing.

Public
education is a rather modern creation, beginning in the 1850’s for all children
ages 5 – 16. Before this, children learned by being in life and by observing
the people around this. Prior to schools, children learned to read, write and so
math in the same way they learned to crawl and walk. The establishment of
public schools in the much of the Western society occurred as a political
decision to train factory workers to do repetitive, thought-less activities and
to follow instructions.

Children pay
a price for this structure. By third grade, research shows children have lost
their natural curiosity and love of learning. Instead they learn to follow
instructions and to learn what they are told and in what time frame whether
they like it or are interested or not.

I observe
Sebastian and he doesn’t learn this way. I may have what I perceive as a cool
idea of what he could learn right now. If it relates and connects to him, he’ll
spend a long time focusing on it, exploring and experimenting. However, if it
doesn’t, he’s off and on to something else, perhaps opening and closing the
sliding closet doors. My challenge as a grandmother to this wonderful boy is to
observe him, see what fascinates and interests him and to offer him objects and
experiences that connect with his interests right now.

Children
listen to themselves and naturally know what they want to learn and are ready
to learn. They know how to figure things out for themselves and have an
internal drive to learn about and master their environment. Our most important
role is to support them in that.

We need to
get back on track with how children naturally learn if they are to excel and
express their greatest gifts and talents.

 

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting
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