Atstinence Class Effectiveness

Results were just released ordered by Congress  regarding the effectiveness of sexual-abstinence education programs for our youth. The major finding is that students who take part in abstinence classes are just as likely to have sex as those who do not. In addition, the youth in the study report having similar numbers of sexual partners, with or without the abstinence classes.

These findings indicate an important principle in child development. Children are children and will make choices based on who they are as people in alignment with their natural development. When we try to get them to stop being children based on what we tell them, we are seldom successful. Have you noticed?

Children pay attention to their own inner feelings and perceptions about reality. You can talk until you are blue in the face, and you will seldom see any results. In order to change their behavior, children’s inner feelings and perceptions of reality need to change. This is an inner change, not affected much by your good ideas.

What changes children’s behavior is their experience and what they see around them. This is where you can affect change. All the atstinence classes in the world and reminders about morality will not stop children from having sex.

High Stakes Testing Video

This just in!!

On behalf of the good folks at Colgate and Professor Regenspan,  please check out this anti-High Stakes Testing video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-w8s1EO_EY It’s well done and is only four minutes long.

Please click on the url below on YouTUBE to help the film made
in Professor Regenspan’s American School class get the publicity it deserves.
It carries the message that the money being spent on High Stakes testing should
be used to eradicate child poverty.  They are trying to get 2000 "hits" in the
next 3 days.  Please tell your friends about the film and help up revive the
movement against High Stakes testing.

An Educational Alternative that Works

I recently received an email from a client "Mary"
you might find interesting. 

Mary writes, "I can’t believe how perfect the timing of
our conversation yesterday was. “Mark” came home (from school) completely down
in the dumps. I was asking him about his day, and he just kept saying how
boring everything was. He said all his friends were bored too. His friend
“Andy” said they should go and complain to the student council or the
principal. I told him that was a fabulous idea. They should get some specific
ideas about some changes that should be implemented, rally up a bunch of kids,
and go to the principal or the school board. “

“I started telling him about the Sudbury school (which I had looked at on line
as you suggested) just to make the point that their model might give him some
ideas. I started reading their web page out loud to him, and I got no further
than the first paragraph (it says something about kids doing whatever they
want, when they want, and how they want all day), and he jumped up and said,
"I want to go there!"

“So we started looking at where their schools are, and they
have one about an hour away. I called them this morning to get an information
packet and arrange a tour. Mark has been so excited about it, he can’t stop
talking about it and asking questions about it. My husband and I also love the
idea (except for the 2 hours of travel.)

His younger brother “Sean” is also excited about it. He
mostly likes the idea of his vote being as powerful as a teacher’s vote!
Anyway, thanks for the recommendation. I also ordered the books you
recommended. I’ll let you know how things go!” 

Can you feel the joy and enthusiasm Mark and Sean feel? I
love this note because it tells us so much about children, who they are, and
what they need and want. Mark and Sean’s enthusiasm about having choices,
options, power, and freedom are true for most, if not all, children. Children
thrive in environments where they have power, autonomy, and true freedom to
choose.

When I asked Mary if I could share her email with you, this
is what she said, "Thanks for all your help! I strongly encourage everyone
to take a look at the Sudbury school system, if for no other reason than to open their minds to other ways to
educate their children and/or improve our public school system. I’m a
traditionally educated person with multiple degrees and a huge skeptic in
general, and this philosophy has won me over!"

If you’d like to know more about the democratically-run Sudbury Valley School and their affiliated schools, go to their web site at www.sudval.org. A book I
recommend you read is "Free at Last".

Let yourself be inspired by
what is possible!

 

 

The Price of Conformity

In 1965 Stanley Milgram, a social psychologist, performed a startling experiment about conformity, testing people’s ability to stand up for what they believe. He wanted to know how far people will go to do what they are told by an authority figure. Perhaps you have heard of it. I always find it fascinating, alarming, and insightful.

Milgram set up a simulated electric shock generator marked with voltage levels from 15 to 450 volts. Beside the numbers were signs indicating the strength of the electrical shock-from "Slight Shock" to "Danger: Severe Shock."

Each participant (all adult men) was asked to help the experimenter with a learning experiment. The helper’s job was to administer an electric shock to a (pretend) learner whenever the learner made a mistake. The experimenter instructed the helper to increase the intensity of the shock whenever the learner made a mistake.

In the initial studies, the helper could not hear the learner. According to Milgram, virtually all helpers "once commanded, went blithly to the end," and administered shocks at the highest level to the supposed learner. Then, Milgram altered the experiment. Now the learner cried out in pain from behind a wall-his pretended pain increasing with the increased strength of the voltage.

Even with the change, 65% of the helpers continued to follow the experimenter’s instructions and administered the highest voltage shock. One helper protested saying, "He can’t stand it! I’m not going to kill that man in there! You hear him hollering?…He can’t stand it. What if something happens to him?" Yet, when told to administer a higher shock, he complied.

After studying nearly 1000 adults, Milgram concluded "with numbing regularity, good people were seen to knuckle under to the demands of authority," and were willing to inflict severe pain to a fellow human being when told to do so.

We as parents and educators need to be aware of the pressure we place on children to conform, to compromise their own inner truth and guidance and to do as we say. Children pay a high price when we expect and demand compliance from them. Perhaps you can look back in your own childhood and identify ways in which this also limited you.

Children who learn to do what they are told when they are young have a difficult time breaking out of this pattern as adults. They may find themselves always trying to please and do what they "should" do, rather than trusting and following their own inner guidance. The cost to your child and to society is the loss of your child’s courage, independence, confidence, autonomy, and creative thinking out-of-the-box.

Consider your choices and actions carefully the next time you demand your child do what you say. See if you can find another way that includes your child’s perspective and desires.

Reflections on China

Pc010289
China is such an experience in contrasts–the modern and the ancient, the stark and gray with the ornate and colorful, rigid political controls and spontaneous, child-like laughter and being-ness.

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The first thing that strikes me in Xian is the grayness–the gray skies covered with rain clouds and lingering pollution, gray-walled buildings void of decoration or trim, neutral colored skyscrapers. The Cultural Revolution destroyed so much history and this trend continues as China rushes toward modern times. A country in transtion…

Pb280129The second thing Is the sheer numbers of people. The streets and sidewalks are a constant dance among pedestrians, bicycles, taxis and buses. The rules of the road are loose, and it is a free-for-all, with everyone jockeying for their best position. The blessing in this is that traffic moves slowly, and everyone looks out for everyone else, even when it’s done grudgingly. This photo shows a very uncrowded street. Just imagine every square foot of concrete taken by a car, bus, bicycle, pedestrian. That will give you a more realistic perspective.   

Pb290198An indication of the numbers of people is the primary school in which I volunteer in the afternoons. In a relatively small space, there are over 4700 students in grades 1 – 6. The classrooms are small and crowded with 40 – 60 children per class. There is no heat even though the temperature is in the low 40’s, and the children wear their winter jackets, as do I.

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This photo is of a very, very small percentage of the school children who were gathered for an outdoor assembly.

 

Pb300252The beauty is in the heart and warm smiles of the people. I am treated like a movie star on campus. Children come up to me, eager simply to say "hello", and many classrooms cheer and clap when I walk in the door, even though they have never met me. At the end of each class, the children spontaneously rush toward me with their English books in hand to get my autograph. They’re pretty aggressive in all of their enthusiasm, pushing and shoving and practically knocking each other and myself down. Today, I’ve got a plan to create a structure in which they get their much-desired-autograph, and I get to enjoy standing solidly on my feet while doing it.  🙂

Pb290160
This innocent, open child-like spirit is found throughout the city, including the adults. They are spontaneous, focused, sincere, hard-working people. They are eager to learn and uninhibited in their joyous, enthusiastic expression. I find it heart-warming and beautiful. I’d love to experience more of it in Western society. We’ve lost something precious in our desire to succeed and look good.

Another thing that has been quite interesting about my time here in Xi’an is its history. It was the capital city of China for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. It is the home of the Terracotta Warriors, which I will visit this coming weekend, and was the starting /end point of the Silk Road.

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Yesterday I walked down to the Muslim District, a fascinating blend of Chinese and Muslim. There are kabobs for sale by street vendors, Chinese-looking men wearing fez hats, and beautiful tea shops. And everywhere there is the constant flow of people walking and bicycling.

Here are a couple of links with photos of Xian: http://www.travelchinaguide.com/cityguides/xian.htm

http://hua.umf.maine.edu/China/xian.html

I’ll add more soon. Keep checking this blog or subscribe to my blog feeds to receive an email notice of my new posts.

Happy Trails!
Connie