Are You Telling Your Child Too Much?

A mompreneur client of mine once shared with me this story about her 7-year-old daughter. She had just finished telling her daughter some info that she thought was important. She was trying to ‘teach’ her child an important idea to help her in life.

After she was finished, her daughter calmly looked at her and explained, “Mom, when you talk to me, all I hear is ‘blah……blah..blah…..blah..blah.”

You might think, “Wow! What a disrespectful daughter…telling her mother something like this AND not even listening!”

Her mom and I heard something different in her daughter’s communication. She told her mom her experience when her mom started ‘teaching’ her and gave her mom valuable feedback about her communication with her daughter, something every mother can use.

Shortly after this, her mom and dad signed up for my Joyous Parenting Training because they realized they needed to learn how to talk so their daughter would listen. In fact, this feedback from her daughter helped my client understand how much her words were ‘missing’ her daughter, which was the opposite of what she wanted.

Many parents believe that telling their child what he should and shouldn’t do will convince their child to do what they say. They believe their words will change their child’s behavior.

Sometimes this is true; but in reality, words seldom affect or change a child’s behavior as her parents hope it will. Often what the child hears is, “blah……blah..blah…..blah..blah.” [Read more…]

A Grandmother’s Delight #1

My grandson Sebastian is now 2 years 9 months old, and I want to share a fun story with you.

One of his great loves is ‘driving’ one of our pick-up trucks. As you can tell from the photo, his scrunched up face indicates the passion and sound effects he puts into it.

One of the things I love about Sebastian and pickup trucks is that for now he calls them ‘hiccup trucks.’ I want him to say it forever since it’s so amazingly cute.

A few weeks ago we’re hiking in Mendocino in the middle of the woods, I think I hear him make a real hiccup sound, and I ask him, “Did I hear a hiccup?”

He instantly stops, looks around carefully, and says, “I don’t see one.”

Cute with a capital C!!

I’ve had to capture his saying this amazing word because I know it won’t last long and he’ll soon be calling them by their proper name – pickup trucks –  so I recorded him saying it.

I’d drive around with him, looking for pickup trucks and trying to get him to say it on my recorder. I was minimally successful. When I didn’t have the recorder, he repeated the magic word numerous times. Recording – I had to work hard to drag it out of him.

Here is a 30-second recording in which he says both ‘hiccup truck’ and his way of saying ‘walkie-talkie.’ Click the link to listen. Enjoy!

Sebastian’s Cutest Words 6-2010

I’d love to hear your stories about about your child’s cutest words! Please share them with me.

Amazing Manners for a Child so Young

I’ve been blown away by these two phenomenal actions I’ve observed in my 2.5 year old grandson Sebastian. Both demonstrate the ease and fun of my Joyous Parenting™ approach to guiding young people to be their best.

As you read these, remember he is learning to talk and is beginning to put sentences together.

The first story occurs in a busy, noisy restaurant at a large family gathering so there is lots of activity. I sit next to Sebastian who is busily exploring all the new treats he just received.

Everyone has ordered and gradually our orders come out.

When Sebastian’s food is placed in front of him, without a reminder of any kind, Sebastian spontaneously says, “Thank you!”

There is a murmur of approval from the family members who observed this amazing awareness and behavior in a child so young.

I turn to Orion, my son who sits on the other side of me, and he smiles and says, “People think we tell him to say that, but he does it on his own.”

Here is the second story… [Read more…]

Preparing Our Children for the World of Tomorrow

Scott McLeod, J.D., Ph.D., Associate Professor and Coordinator of the Educational Administration Program at Iowa State University, co-created the amazingly popular video Did You Know?, which asks the question – How do we best prepare our children for the rapidly changing and expanding world of tomorrow?

In this future world of rapidly evolving technological development and rapidly changing global demographics depicted in the video, our children will live in a profoundly different world than we live in today. What these changes mean to the future of individual children and societies is open to speculation.

There are, however, two general approaches we can take as parents, educators and as a society to guide and empower our children. One is to continue with more determination on the path we are currently on – pushing children to ever-higher standards of memorization, test-taking and compliance  to the demands of the state who determine our educational standards.

The traditional, standards-based approach to learning began during the industrial age when factories needed workers who could accurately follow instructions without thinking for themselves or challenging the status quo. These workers needed to tolerate mindless repetitive tasks without complaint.

The other approach to guiding our children requires an entirely new way of perceiving young people and what they need from us to prepare for the realities of tomorrow. The goal of this alternative approach is to empower our young people to think for themselves and to think out of the box from the way things have always been done.

The demands of the future require innovation. We will need leaders, visionaries, and free thinkers with the ingenuity to respond to the needs of a different world reality, one in which the old rules and ideals no longer apply.

Our young people will need to use their natural human talents of problem-solving, intuition, creativity, curiosity, exploration, the ability to think for themselves in the moment and then to respond powerfully and courageously to realities of their time.

This is not something we can teach them with textbooks or standards-based testing. We can’t even teach them entirely based on what we already know or the information we believe to be true.

We are preparing our children for a future that is so radically different from the present reality that we cannot even imagine what it will be like.

To help them develop these intrinsic skills, we must give them relevant opportunities to actually use these innovative, problem-solving skills in real-life situations during all of their growing up years. We cannot expect a young person to suddenly become creative and innovative upon graduation if he hasn’t continuously used and expanded these skills as he grows up.

One of the best ways to develop these intrinsic skills is through real life experiences in programs, such as San Francisco-based Spark , which creates real world experiences for youth through apprenticeships in the community.

Another option is an unschooling approach found in many home schooling families and democracy-based Sudbury Valley Schools.

Other options that encourage individual freedom, creativity and exploration include Montessori and Reggio Emilio schools.

These approaches also help children develop essential life values including empathy, authenticity, autonomy, personal responsibility and integrity and life skills such as communication, observation, and motivation.

As I ponder this new reality of the future, I recall the lines from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran:

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of to-morrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

As individual parents and educators and as a society, we must trust that our children already possess the ability to discover and learn, to think for themselves, and to create new possibilities based upon the unique circumstances of the moment.

Our children profoundly need for us, their parents, educators, and society-leaders, to act with courage to challenge the status quo and to make choices based on what is best for our children now, and not just on what has always been done or is easy.

We must provide meaningful opportunities for their learning, exploration, and growth.The healthy future of our children and our global community depends upon it.

If you haven’t watched the video, do it now. Then go to Scott’s blog at DangerouslyIrrelevent.org and learn more about his ground-breaking work in education.

Grandparenting in Mendocino ’09

Doug and I loved taking our 2-year-old grandson on our trip to Mendocino, a lovely, intimate town on the Northern California coast. As always, we stayed at the comfortable Inn at Schoolhouse Creek, a few miles south of town.

We enjoyed our hike up Jughandle Creek Trail to the Pigmy Forest at the summit. We all loved seeing the crazy abundance of mushrooms springing up everywhere. The most we've ever seen.

Sebastian practiced saying, "Mushrooms." Mostly it sounded like "Rooms." And he got really good at recognizing them.

The donkeys are at the Inn.

I hope you enjoy our photos!

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This is Doug and Sebastian with Maureen, owner of The Inn at Schoolhouse Creek w/ husband Stephen, and their two children, Kayla and Max.