What kind of parent do you really want to be? A parent who is always happy, smiling, and relaxed? A parent who never gets angry or says or does unkind things to their child? The Father Knows Best or Donna Reed of parenting?

Most parents struggle to meet their own expectations when it comes to being patient and understanding with their child. Most parents I talk with share stories about not handling a situation as they would have liked and then feeling guilty when they didn’t meet their own standards. They promise themselves to try harder and do better next time. This is sounds like a lot of pressure to me.

Many people will tell you that losing your temper and yelling at your child is a normal part of parenting. But, just because almost every parent yells or strikes their child more or less frequently doesn’t mean that it is healthy or desirable or even necessary. It simply means they struggle, like most parents, to understand themselves and their child emotionally.

What I’ve found is when parents are more aware of their own emotions and their emotional connection with their child, interactions become easier, and power struggles and emotional upsets dramatically decrease. In fact, when you’re connected with your own inner natural ability to create a joyous relationship with your child, trying to be patient becomes virtually a thing of the past.

When parents talk about losing their patience with their child, they often say, “It was such a little thing. Why did I get so upset? I hated to see how much I hurt my child.” These are extremely painful experiences and realizations for parents.

It is usually a little thing that triggers your upset, but it is the accumulation of many seemingly insignificant upsets that is the actual cause. Without noticing what’s happening, several frustrating events, thoughts, and interactions occur that begin to gather in your emotional awareness. It is the accumulation of several of these unexplored beliefs, perspectives, and feelings throughout your day that lead to your so-called impatience.

Your stress is often caused by misinformation, unreasonable and misguided expectations, and self-doubt. When you more clearly understand your inner emotional experience and explore your beliefs and fears as a parent, you stop trying to control your temper. You simply respond to each situation as it occurs.

In order to be more naturally patient, you must begin with you. Within you lies the source of your upset. You cannot blame your child for your anger and frustration. This is all about you.

Here are some places you can explore—

1. Pay more attention to what you’re feeling as you go through your day. Just being more aware of your emotional well-being can make a profound difference in your perspectives and your actions.

2. Explore your beliefs, expectations, and fears as a parent. These are the source of your unconscious reactions that result in anger and yelling at your child. When you understand these more clearly, you will naturally and easily become more clear and relaxed.

3. Find or create one special experience for yourself every day. Creating good things for yourself are essential to relate with your child from joy.

When you stop trying to be patient and focus on keeping yourself happy, then your patience becomes a non-issue. Then you simply enjoy being a parent.

When you have more awareness of your inner emotional experience combined with greater clarity about your child and your role as a parent, your natural ability to create a joyous, loving relationship will shine forth. Then you feel the loving joy you always wanted as a parent, and you delight in seeing your child’s magnificence shine brightly.

As I've been watching my 18-month-old grandson Sebastian, I marvel at his
observation skills of the people around him. Here are a couple of examples.

Sebastian
is mastering the art of opening and closing doors, which he finds quite
fascinating. I noticed that when he closes the door behind him, he reaches his
hand back through the door to the door knob. When I mentioned this to Nichola,
my daughter-in-heart, she said that’s what she does to lock the door when she
pulls the door closed as she leaves the house.

Another
story. Blueberries are one of Sebastian’s favorite foods, and he can just about
clean you out of them. One evening my wonderful husband Doug was giving
Sebastian blueberries. He washed them and then shook his hand a couple of times
to shake off the water. So what did Sebastian do when Doug handed him the
blueberries? Shook them a time or two!

I
can’t resist telling you a third story to drive home the point. Doug and our
son Orion, Sebastian’s daddy, were lifting and planting two large trees in 24’
boxes in our yard. They were both wearing leather gloves to protect their
hands. Sebastian watched them very carefully, but didn’t show much interest in
the trees after that. About 10 minutes later, I happened to hand him the
gloves, which I had been holding. He confidently took the gloves, tried to put
them on his hands, and walked over to the nearest tree, ready to go to work.

Your
child watches everything about you, even the most seemingly unimportant
details. She watches not only your actions. She also watches your facial and
hand expressions, your tone of voice, your feelings, your way of interacting
with people, the choices you make, the lies or truth you tell. You got it—EVERYTHING!!

So,
as one of the people he spends the most time with, especially when he’s young,
you are hugely influential and have a big impact on his life, who he is and who
he becomes.

Are
you being the person you want your child to watch?