Everyone would like to feel abundant joy with children, whether
it's parents, grandparents or educators. Yet some believe it isn't
really possible, that it is a fantasy or somehow out of reach for
them. Many parents would be happy with something as simple as a
little cooperation and respect.

I'm all about everyone having joy with children because when adults
experience joy, children flourish and feel profound joy also. I
want parents, educators and young people to experience the joy that
is possible with one another. I have found it to be true that this
heart-felt joy is not only possible; it's essential if your child
is to flourish in her life.

When you think of "joy", what do you picture? Many people imagine a
giddy euphoria where your head is in the clouds and your feet are
floating above the earth. They believe joy is about being excited,
wound up and bursting with exuberance.

Usually people look for joy in the external circumstances. They try
to get things going the way they want in their world so then they
can feel happy. Johnny cooperates. Liza cleans her room. Tommy gets
good grades. These are external sources of pleasure, many of which
believe will give you joy, yet you have no real control over them.

"So what's the source of my joy?" you ask. The place to find joy is
in your heart. Joy is not a heady, out of body experience. Joy is
the warm, grounded delight you feel deep inside. It's the feeling
of sweet connection with your child and yourself that glows from
within.

Here are some of the things that bring me joy as a mom to Orion and
Nichola and grandma to Sebastian.

Looking in Orion's eyes and feeling the unspoken profound love,
caring, trust and respect we share for one another

Seeing Orion's joy and talent when he plays his drums in his heavy
metal band Echoes of Fear.

Seeing the joyous connection between Orion and his son Sebastian

Feeling the profound love and fatherly responsibility Orion has for
Sebastian

Hearing Nichola coo with delight about Sebastian's little hands

Seeing Nichola's happy, smiling face as she walks in the door

Observing Orion and Nichola make daily choices to nurture
Sebastian's emotional wholeness

Seeing Sebastian's eyes light up when he sees me

The sweetness of Sebastian's smiles

The innocence and pureness of almost everything about
Sebastian–takes my breath away

You get the idea. Joy is this warm glow you feel inside when you
experience the inner beauty and emotional wholeness of your child,
when you feel the profound trust and connection you share with one
another. It has little to do with what he does. It has everything
to do with who he is and who you are. It's all about fully
experiencing the profound love shared between you and your child.

As an educator, you can experience this joy with your students. The
power, tenderness and respect of an authentic connection with a
student. The warmth and happiness in your students' eyes. Their
excitement in discovering something new and fascinating. Their
trust and openness with you.

Personally, I think this joy is the best thing life offers us. This
profound and powerful joy comes from the love, the trust and the
emotional connection you share with your child. Make this holiday
season a time of true joy with your child. Begin now by making your
own list of what gives you that warm glow of joy inside. Let there
be joy in your world!

1. Parents talk more than they
   listen.

2. Parents worry about the little
   stuff and neglect the important stuff.

3. Parents say “No” too often.

4. Parents don’t take care of
   themselves.  

5. Parents try to manage their
   child’s behavior instead of empowering their child’s emotional wholeness and trust in herself. 

The other
day I was taking care of my 14-month-old grandson Sebastian. We have a large
wall hanging in our living room of a beautiful group of horses looking over a
fence.

As I watched
Sebastian point to the wall hanging and loudly imitate the horses’ nickering
sound I have shared with him, I was suddenly struck by his confidence,
certainty, and feeling of safety in life. I realized he shows no signs of fear
or shame. He trusts his mommie and daddy. He trusts me. He trusts life. This explains
his boldness, his confidence, and his openness..

Trust is a
fragile quality in a child, in all of us. When we trust, we feel open to life.
Trust allows us to be fully present to the people in our life. Trust frees us
to experience our innate joy and love.

Without
meaning to, parents and educators unknowingly do and say things that damage a
child’s ability to trust. To trust himself. To trust us. To trust life.

How can you
tell when you’ve unintentionally lessened a child’s feeling of trust? Look at
her. Listen to him. They are telling you, and it is important that you listen.