Every woman wants to be who she is. I’m sure you feel this desire deep within you. Yet have you felt another feeling that holds you back, one that stops you from taking risks and trying something new that calls you?
Every woman feels this hesitancy from time to time. Sometimes it’s a daily feeling of being unable to do what you most long to do to express yourself.

Doug and I love reading books together at night. We’re currently reading The Princess of Landover,” a fantasy book by Terry Brooks, one of our favorite authors. Last night in our story , Mistaya the teen daughter of our hero was brought into the principal’s office due to a series of misbehaviors.

The first to speak is Miss Appleton the principal, “ This isn’t the first time you’ve broken the rules, and I am quite certain that if things continue on as they are, it won’t be the last…In order for the learning process to function…the students must adhere to the rules…students must find a way to fit in. You don’t seem to feel this is necessary.”

Mistaya boldly agrees, “No, I don’t. I think we are here to discover oureslves so that we can do something important with our lives. I don’t think we’re meant to fit it; I think we’re meant to stand out. I don’t think we are meant to be like everyone else.”

If you’re willing to tell the truth, you most likely grew up in a school and a family where fitting in was expected and sometimes forced upon you. Now, as adults, sometimes without knowing it, you may have internalized the pressure to fit in – to believe, say and do what everyone else believes, says and does.

The pattern of fitting in often perpetuates itself through multiple generations. You grow up in a family where fitting in and doing the ‘right’ thing is expected. Your parents, who grew up in a family where fitting it and doing the ‘right’ thing is expected, passed this on to you. Your parents’ parents did the same. As you can see, this can go on and on.

So now we come to you as a parent, whether your child is 2, 12, or 22. You have choices to make – Will you continue the pattern to fit in or will you be fully yourself? Will you expect your child to fit-in and conform or do you want him to be himself?
Here are 3 potent questions to ask yourself to find more clarity:

#1 – Who did I learn from as a child and who do I look to now as my role model?
Unfortunately, when it comes to loving yourself and raising your child, there is a lot of misguided, limiting ideas floating around in our culture. If you look deeply at the lives of the people you are modeling, you may not really want to be like them or to live their lifestyle.

This does not mean you are criticizing them. It’s simply a matter of your personal choice.

#2 – What am I trying to accomplish with this action?
Often, we do things automatically without really stopping to consider why we’re doing what we’re doing. We do it or say it, it feels right (and familiar), and we go on. The important thing to remember here is that everyone has been taught to believe, speak, and act in certain ways. It’s usually your parents and your teachers, but it can be anyone, even the kid you met at the playground when you were six.

#3 – Is this really what I want?

Each person is unique. No one else has your unique combination of talents, insights, and gifts to share with the world. No other child has the gifts of greatness that your child does. Because of this, it is crucial that you that you live your life and parent your child based on who you are and who your child is, and NOT doing something because everyone else is doing it.

Wondrous things happen in lives and relationships the more you think for yourself and listen to your own inner guidance. Choose what’s good for you, what’s good for your child, and delightful miracles will happen. You have the power! I invite you to share your beauty and wondrous gifts even more with your family and the world!