Explore When To Say Yes To Your Child

March 4, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Every parent
struggles with setting boundaries with their child. It's often unclear
where to draw the line and set your boundary. You don't want to break
your child's spirit, but some things just have to be done whether your
child likes it or not.

You wonder if
you are being too inflexible and controlling or are you spoiling your
child by letting her walk all over you? Plus there are the seemingly
inevitable power struggles where you each attempt to gain the upper
hand, which makes parenting a battle of wills. You want to be close and
connected to your child, not a full-time disciplinarian.

Conflict and
effort is not why most people decide to become parents. You became a
parent to have the joy of loving your child and sharing fun moments
with him. You looked forward to days of enjoyment and play together.

During this
last weekend, I read a Tweet from a mom that read, "deciding if i am a
fantastically creative or fantastically stupid mom to let kids play
with huge box of Christmas wrappings."  

I'm sure you've
found yourself in a similar situation, trying once again to decide
where to set your boundary with your child. She discovers something new
and fascinating that she wants to explore right now.  You're not so
sure it's a good idea. He could make a mess. She might get hurt. You
know it looks like fun, and you don't have time for this.

How can you decide whether to say "Yes." Here are some guidelines to help you sort it out.

  •  Remember the only person who can make this choice is you.
    There is no right or wrong answer. Your child needs for you to say
    "yes" to her in as many ways as you can. And she needs for you to be
    clear with yourself and with her when you need to set a boundary. Your
    child needs the freedom to be himself, and he needs boundaries to feel
    grounded, connected and safe. You have to listen to yourself for the
    answer.  A book or even a close friend cannot answer it for you.
  • Take a chance. This mom wonders if she's fantastically
    creative or fantastically stupid. One way to discover the answer to
    this question is to give it try. Explore ways of saying "yes" that work
    for your child and for you. Try something new and see how your child
    responds. How does it feel to you? When you explore new possibilities,
    you gain more clarity for the future. If you don't explore and take
    risks, you'll never know what the outcome might be.

  • Allow time for change to occur. Your child's nor your behavior will seldom dramatically alter over night. 
  • Explore those times when you feel the need to control your child's behavior. What's
    really happening? Are you on auto-pilot or are you objectively
    considering the situation? How can you stretch your ability to try
    something new?
  • Take good care of yourself. When you expend your energy
    to manage your child's or your students' behavior, you have little left
    for yourself. When you nurture your own emotional wholeness, you
    empower yourself to more honestly and lovingly nurture your child.

Filed Under: Children, Grandparenting, Parenting

How to Teach Gullibility to Children

January 23, 2009 By Leave a Comment

No one wants their child to be gullible. Yet parents and teachers unconsciously do things that encourage it. Webster defines gullible as “easily deceived or cheated, naive.”

What makes a child gullible? A tendency to go along with what someone is telling you without thinking for one’s self. Not trusting one’s self.

Psychologist Stephen Greenspan,  author of Annals of Gullibility: Why We Get Duped and How to Avoid It,  recently appeared on NPR’s Science Friday to talk about his being duped in the Bernard Madoff's money-making  scheme, which fooled many clever people.

He made two very revealing comments during the interview.

1.    His mom always told him,”Don’t be so willing to do what your friends tell you.”

2.    He described himself as having “a tendency to be a nice guy and to do what people tell me.”

To listen to his interview, go here.

One secret to lessen your child's or students' gullibility is to support her child to think for herself and to encourage individual discernment, both at home and at school. When parents and educators try to do the thinking for children, they unknowingly diminish a child’s self-trust, autonomy, and awareness.

Denise Clark Pope in her book “Doing School”: How We Are Creating a Generation of Stressed Out, Materialistic, and Miseducated Students reports on a high-achieving sophomore in high school who explained “sincerely that, ideally, he wishes he could forget about the grades and just do the work the way he wants to do it. He wishes he could write papers the way he would like to see them written, instead of how the teachers want to see them.”

Kevin says with a sigh, “I wish I could say I’m an individual, and I am not going to sacrifice my individuality for a grade, you know…just write for writing’s sake.”

This is one place gullibility begins—when a young person feels they have to pay attention to others more than to herself. She becomes a people-pleaser and stops thinking for herself.. Then she is more easily prey for others who want take advantage of her naivete.

Filed Under: Books, Children, Current Affairs, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting

Vote Against No Child Left Behind

January 15, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Jeanne Houston refers to No Child Left Behind as No Child Left Alive.  If you agree, you can act today to tell President-Elect Obama what you believe children need.

If you’re opposed to the pressure we place on children and educators to perform in the high-stakes testing of No Child Left Behind, go here to cast your vote.

We can guide and empower our new president to make dramatic, positive changes in the lives of children.

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting

Parenting by Convention

January 14, 2009 By Leave a Comment

In the most recent edition of Ode
Magazine, there is an article about new trends in medicine and healing. Natural
healer Victoria Maizes says, “Much of what we do in conventional medicine is
just that—convention.”

This is also true in the parenting and
educating of children. Much of what we do is simply convention and is not examined
deeply for its true results in children’s lives. Most parents and educators
were raised and taught in ways that is now assumed to be “the way it is done,”
without any real questioning or evaluation of the process. Therefore, they tend
to utilize similar principles, strategies and approaches with the children in
their care.

It’s imperative that we as parents,
educators and a society re-examine the ways in which we relate with children. Many
adults unconsciously do things that undermine the very thing they are trying to
accomplish, which is to help children be successful, happy, flourishing people
both now and in the future. We need to step away from convention and explore
what truly empowers children and brings out their natural gifts and talents.

As a society and a planet, we all need
everyone’s human best as we live during these changing and challenging times.

 

Filed Under: Children, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting

New Help for Children with Autism, ADHD, Asthma, & Allergies

December 15, 2008 By Leave a Comment

It seems I’ve been learning lots of
new information lately about childhood vaccinations and their potential effects
on a child’s health. Many children receive the full regime of 36 vaccines before
the age of six with seemingly no harm, yet many children experience tragic consequences. It's increasingly important for parents to be conscious
and cautious in the decisions they make regarding their child's well-being.

I’ve just read Healing the New
Childhood Epidemics—Autism, ADHA, Asthma, and Allergies: The Groundbreaking
Program for the 4-A Disorders by Kenneth Bock, M.D. He is the co-founder and
co-director of the Rhinebeck Health Center and The Center for Progressive
Medicine at Albany Medical College in New York. This book follows children with severe
health challenges through Dr. Bock’s healing program and explains in depth the healing program he developed. His web site is full of information.

Dr. Bock cites the dramatic increase
during the last 20 years of the 4-A disorders. Autism has increased, according
to most estimates, by 1500% to 6000%, ADHA by at least 400%, asthma by 300%,
and allergies by 400%. If you add all of these disorders together, it comes to
20 million children or almost one-third of all American children. These
dramatic figures call for us to pay attention and to ask new questions.

Bock doesn’t just cite childhood
vaccines as potential causes. He believes four major changes have occurred in
the last 20 years that contribute to this debilitating illnesses in children.
These include the following: 1). Toxins proliferated; 2) Nutrition
deteriorated; 3). Vaccinations increased; 4) Ability to detoxify dwindled.

All of these combined result in
compromised immune, gastrointestinal, and nervous systems in children’s bodies.
We also need to be aware that these same environmental changes affect all of
us, whether we notice them or not.

My friend Jack Travis, M.D. of the Alliance for the Transformation of Children's Lives (aTLC) recently gave me
information about an online video that shares a heart-touching story of Max, whose
parents bring him to Dr. Bock’s office for help.

Being informed is essential for all
parents in order to make wise decisions for children. It’s also imperative to
ask new questions instead of blindly following the status quo. Parents must
trust and listen to themselves when they feel cautious about their child’s
well-being. In many stories I’ve read, parents whose child developed autism report
feeling hesitant about giving a vaccination to their child when he was ill, but
were reassured by their doctor not to worry.

All professionals and experts are
people, just like everyone else. Sometimes they get it wrong and make a mistake. Your best guidance comes from your child and your own
inner knowing. Always take them into consideration.

 

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Grandparenting, Parenting
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