It’s a warm, sunny day in the San
Francisco Bay Area as I walk in a nearby neighborhood park. Two young boys, about
18 months and 2 years old, lean against a light pole as they quietly look around
at the peaceful, grassy landscape.

As I come near, the older boy slightly
loses his balance and leans into the smaller child; and they tumble gently to
the grass, one on top of the other. I hear one of the nearby moms say a
troubled, “Oh!”

I hesitate a moment to see how the
boys will respond. They indicate no signs of distress or concern, seeming more
curious and fascinated by their experience. They pull themselves back up and
insert themselves against the pole once more, resuming looking around and hanging out.

I continue walking past the boys and
encouragingly tell them, “Good job! You've done a great job!” They  responded to
and handled this potentially unsettling incident easily.

As I walk a couple of steps further, I hear one of the moms say, “You boys, be careful.”

She couldn’t help herself. It seems
like the motherly thing to say.

Everyone would like to feel abundant joy with children, whether
it's parents, grandparents or educators. Yet some believe it isn't
really possible, that it is a fantasy or somehow out of reach for
them. Many parents would be happy with something as simple as a
little cooperation and respect.

I'm all about everyone having joy with children because when adults
experience joy, children flourish and feel profound joy also. I
want parents, educators and young people to experience the joy that
is possible with one another. I have found it to be true that this
heart-felt joy is not only possible; it's essential if your child
is to flourish in her life.

When you think of "joy", what do you picture? Many people imagine a
giddy euphoria where your head is in the clouds and your feet are
floating above the earth. They believe joy is about being excited,
wound up and bursting with exuberance.

Usually people look for joy in the external circumstances. They try
to get things going the way they want in their world so then they
can feel happy. Johnny cooperates. Liza cleans her room. Tommy gets
good grades. These are external sources of pleasure, many of which
believe will give you joy, yet you have no real control over them.

"So what's the source of my joy?" you ask. The place to find joy is
in your heart. Joy is not a heady, out of body experience. Joy is
the warm, grounded delight you feel deep inside. It's the feeling
of sweet connection with your child and yourself that glows from
within.

Here are some of the things that bring me joy as a mom to Orion and
Nichola and grandma to Sebastian.

Looking in Orion's eyes and feeling the unspoken profound love,
caring, trust and respect we share for one another

Seeing Orion's joy and talent when he plays his drums in his heavy
metal band Echoes of Fear.

Seeing the joyous connection between Orion and his son Sebastian

Feeling the profound love and fatherly responsibility Orion has for
Sebastian

Hearing Nichola coo with delight about Sebastian's little hands

Seeing Nichola's happy, smiling face as she walks in the door

Observing Orion and Nichola make daily choices to nurture
Sebastian's emotional wholeness

Seeing Sebastian's eyes light up when he sees me

The sweetness of Sebastian's smiles

The innocence and pureness of almost everything about
Sebastian–takes my breath away

You get the idea. Joy is this warm glow you feel inside when you
experience the inner beauty and emotional wholeness of your child,
when you feel the profound trust and connection you share with one
another. It has little to do with what he does. It has everything
to do with who he is and who you are. It's all about fully
experiencing the profound love shared between you and your child.

As an educator, you can experience this joy with your students. The
power, tenderness and respect of an authentic connection with a
student. The warmth and happiness in your students' eyes. Their
excitement in discovering something new and fascinating. Their
trust and openness with you.

Personally, I think this joy is the best thing life offers us. This
profound and powerful joy comes from the love, the trust and the
emotional connection you share with your child. Make this holiday
season a time of true joy with your child. Begin now by making your
own list of what gives you that warm glow of joy inside. Let there
be joy in your world!