Failure to Launch

October 12, 2008 By Leave a Comment

The movie Failure to Launch is very funny and entertaining. Matthew McConaughey and Sarah
Jessica Parker star in a story about a thirty-something man who lives at home
with his parents. Sarah is hired by his parents to get him to move out of the
family home.

This movie
addresses an increasingly prevalent phenomenon of young people moving back in
with their parents after college or never moving out at all. One of the special
features with the DVD is a collage of interviews with grown men who still live
at home and their parents as well as authors in the field.

The argument
presented by the men and their parents for living together is they love each
other and it makes practical financial sense. I totally understand this
perspective.

The thing
that concerned me, however, was the dependence and lack of autonomy and
personal freedom that both parents and children experienced in their
relationship with one another. All the men said they’d like to move out some
day and yet emotionally seemed unable to do so.

As I
listened to the parents talk, they want their sons at home to meet their
emotional, not the needs of their sons. Their sons needed to be empowered and
their emotional wholeness nurtured.

The foundation
of this kind of limiting relationship between parents and their children begins
when children are young. The pattern simply continues into adulthood. We see
more of these in modern times because of current parenting beliefs and
practices in our culture.

The only way
this kind of living situation can truly work and be emotionally healthy for
both parents and children is that each person has complete autonomy to be who
they are. The only agreements and expectations are based on sharing the
day-to-day necessities of living.

It is not
emotionally healthy or empowering to anyone when parents continue taking care
of their children in ways they can do for themselves. Then children struggle to
develop the skills they need to take care of themselves and fail to launch.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Movies, Parenting

The Sweetest Salad

October 10, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Imagine this scene in your mind.
Doug and I are finishing our dinner. One-year-old grandson Sebastian, aka His
Royal Cuteness, asks me to hold him as I am finishing my salad. So here I sit
with salad bowl in my left hand, Sebastian on my lap, and fork in my right
hand.

I pause from eating and give him my fork to experiment with. He pokes around in
the few remaining pieces of lettuce, cabbage and avocado, exploring this new
tool. Unexpectedly, he lays down the fork, reaches into my salad bowl, grabs a
few pieces of salad, looks sweetly into my eyes, and reaches up to feed me!

He continues putting salad pieces into my mouth, sometimes a few pieces at a
time and sometimes a single tiny morsel, feeding me the same way he feeds
himself…fingers into my mouth first,  followed my a firm push with the palm of his
hand. Lemon juice covered much of my face, and lettuce pieces lay on the floor aruond
us.

This may have been the messiest
salad I ever ate, but no salad was ever sweeter. I will always treasure these
tender, precious moments with Sebastian and the innocence in his beingness.

No matter their age, children
bless us daily with memories to last a life time. Make these moments count—for
you and your child. What special moment have you shared with your child today?

 

 

Filed Under: Children, Grandparenting, Parenting

Albert Cullum-A Great Educator

October 6, 2008 By Leave a Comment

I recently discovered the work of educator Albert Cullum
when I watched the documentary A Touch of
Greatness made about his work.  He was
an elementary school teacher and college professor and a brilliant, insightful,
courageous, innovative educator.

When he became a teacher in the 1940s, Albert
Cullum realized something was lacking in his classes and decided to stray from
the by-the-book, discipline-heavy style favored by his colleagues, instead
using poetry and drama to put life and emotion into his teaching.

When I looked him up in Wikipedia, this is what I found…

Albert Cullum (1920-July 2003) was an American elementary school
teacher in the 1960s. Instead of the standard Dick and Jane style of teaching, he opted to introduce his children
to classic literature such as Shakespeare and Greek dramas.

Unlike other
teachers at the time, Cullum strongly believed that learning and play could be
combined in the classroom. Cullum was the author of numerous books about
education including the best-selling The Geranium On The Windowsill Just
Died But Teacher You Went Right On, which sold over half a million copies.

He taught at St. Luke's School in Greenwich Village in the 1940s, and at Midland School in Rye, New York, in the 1950s. He then went on to become a professor of education
at Boston University and at Stonehill College

Many of Cullum's pedagogical experiments and class performances were
captured on film by irreverent filmmaker Robert Downey, Sr.

A documentary called A Touch of Greatness was made
about his life in 2004. This
documentary from Leslie Sullivan (produced by Catherine Gund) depicts a man who
challenged traditional teaching methods and proved that creativity has a place
in every classroom.

Cullum believed that within every child there is a touch of
greatness. It was his job to find that and nurture it. The movie speaks for
itself about the powerful results of his work. Many of his former students
gathered to reminisce and honor his amazing work.

The
documentary is great. You can either order it from Netflix or purchase it 
from Amazon.

To order the book or documentary from Amazon, just click on the link below:

 

Filed Under: Children, Education, Movies, Parenting

Your Child Learns Naturally

October 6, 2008 By Leave a Comment

As I watch
my one-year-old grandson Sebastian engage with his world, I am awestruck by his
focus, intensity, enjoyment and creativity to learn. He loves taking lids on
and off containers (for up to 15 minutes with one container!), opening drawers
and pulling things out (re-arranging them!), and watering plants with our
watering jug.

After many
months of getting stronger physically and learning effective ways to use his
body, he is walking much more than he crawls.

Children
naturally have a strong passion and ability to learn. We trust this process
when they are young children. They learn to walk and crawl and talk by watching
us and experimentation. We never assume they need us to “teach” them. We trust
their innate desire and ability to master these skills. We don’t sit them down
at a desk with textbooks and instruction sheets and attempt to teach them to
talk or to walk.

Yet
something changes in our perspective as your children grow older. As a culture
we believe we need those desks, textbooks, and instruction sheets if they are
to learn and succeed in life.  We begin
to impose structure and limitations, should’s and have-to’s on our children,
rather than trusting their natural joy, love and ability to learn by following
their own internal drives and knowing.

Public
education is a rather modern creation, beginning in the 1850’s for all children
ages 5 – 16. Before this, children learned by being in life and by observing
the people around this. Prior to schools, children learned to read, write and so
math in the same way they learned to crawl and walk. The establishment of
public schools in the much of the Western society occurred as a political
decision to train factory workers to do repetitive, thought-less activities and
to follow instructions.

Children pay
a price for this structure. By third grade, research shows children have lost
their natural curiosity and love of learning. Instead they learn to follow
instructions and to learn what they are told and in what time frame whether
they like it or are interested or not.

I observe
Sebastian and he doesn’t learn this way. I may have what I perceive as a cool
idea of what he could learn right now. If it relates and connects to him, he’ll
spend a long time focusing on it, exploring and experimenting. However, if it
doesn’t, he’s off and on to something else, perhaps opening and closing the
sliding closet doors. My challenge as a grandmother to this wonderful boy is to
observe him, see what fascinates and interests him and to offer him objects and
experiences that connect with his interests right now.

Children
listen to themselves and naturally know what they want to learn and are ready
to learn. They know how to figure things out for themselves and have an
internal drive to learn about and master their environment. Our most important
role is to support them in that.

We need to
get back on track with how children naturally learn if they are to excel and
express their greatest gifts and talents.

 

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting

Could You and Your Child Be Happier?

August 6, 2008 By Leave a Comment

One of the most important tools you need as a parent or educator is to understand who children are and what they need from you in order to be happy and successful. Most likely the tools you have are based on the conventional wisdom of our culture and how you were raised. You may want to do what your parents did or be determined not to repeat some of their mistakes.

You may believe you will be a good parent or educator if you follow the conventional wisdom of our times. You may believe that if most parents or educators you know are using certain strategies and approaches with their child and students, you may decide it is the best and correct thing to do.

What I’ve found is that conventional wisdom is often based on misconceptions and misunderstandings about children. You may believe that your child is doing well because he is mostly well-behaved and is getting good grades in school, but what I've discovered is that often parents do not realize how their child is feeling emotionally.

Children who seem to be highly successful in school often feel pressured and stressed to perform. Often children who appear to be confident on the surface live with fear of what others think of them.
When you look around, you see many people in our society who are not happy, even the ones who seem on the surface to have things all figured out. They struggle to make ends meet, to manage their time, and to have loving, joyous relationships with the people in their lives. Here are some frequent problems that occur when you follow conventional wisdom about raising a child.

Many parents feel stressed and frustrated relating with their child. They don’t enjoy these wonderful young people who are a part of their life as much as they could. Parents struggle to get their child to listen to them and to do what they say. Other common challenges also include meltdowns, lack of cooperation, and communication that fails to connect with their child.

Many children are hurting emotionally in both subtle and obvious ways. In 2005, 15 million prescriptions were written for antidepressants for children and teenagers.Suicide rates doubled for children 5-14 years old over the past 20 years.

Surely it makes sense to consider what is happening emotionally with young people and with ourselves. These problems did not suddenly appear because children are now born more flawed. These problems are indicators of the increasing emotional struggle and pain children experience in our high-pressure, emotionally-insensitive culture.

I find it hard to comprehend that we have so many emotional challenges and pain in a culture that is considered to have one of the highest standards of living anywhere in the world. There is an inconsistency between our material abundance and our lack of emotional joy and connection.
If conventional wisdom were working, adults and children would be happier. People would enjoy their lives more, and there would be less conflict and upset feelings. Families would live with greater harmony and loving connection.

To improve this situation, it is essential that we make our children’s emotional wholeness a priority. When you learn to observe the signs of how your child is doing emotionally, you can help your child sort out difficulties before they become more challenging issues to resolve in the future.
Here are some suggestions to help you step out of conventional wisdom and to create more happiness for yourself and your child.

1.There was a bumper sticker in the 60’s that read, “Question Authority.” This simple advice is as timely today as it was then. When you think for yourself and follow your own inner guidance, you stop looking outside yourself for your answers. You find your answers from within yourself.

2. Observe and become more aware of what works in the long term, not just in the immediate moment. When you act based on your frustration in the moment, you often react from your emotional upset instead of responding with clarity and insight.

3.Look for new solutions to repetitive unpleasant patterns. Repeating the same behaviors over and over again will likely get you more of the same.

4. Challenge conventional wisdom and think outside of the box. This requires courage, creativity, optimism, and commitment. Doing what’s always been done seems to be so easy. Instead, decide to think for yourself and consider new possibilities. You’ll be amazed by what you can discover.

Filed Under: Children, Parenting
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