Enjoy Summer with Your Child

Every parent wants their child to be happy. It is one of the driving desires that affects the choices parents make regarding their child. Yet, how much do you know about what makes your child deeply happy and content?

Summer is the time that reveals the authentic aspects of your relationship with your child. Are you excited about the opportunity to spend more time with your child without the pressures and interruption of school activities and homework? Or are you a parent who dreads the long summer months, anticipating challenges and frustration?

Is summer a time to enroll your child in camps and activities she enjoys or needs? If so, how much free connective time are you sharing with her?

Sometimes parents simply feel ambivalent, both looking forward to a slower pace and less school pressures and activities, but wondering what the uninterrupted summer with their child will be like. Do you have a roller-coaster experience as a parent, sharing times of fun with your child with occasional or frequent times of conflict and difficulty?

Stop for a moment right now and explore how you feel as you think about the summer months ahead. What are your true thoughts and feelings about this time with your child?

Parents often act as if the secret to their child’s happiness lies in material possessions for both their children and themselves. They buy toys and designer clothes, only to find them tossed aside tomorrow or strung out over their bedroom floor.

Other times parents act as if saying nice, encouraging things paves the road to happiness for children. Parents often put a lot of energy and effort into saying the "right" things to keep their child happy.

Other times they act as if they believe activity is the key to happiness and joy for their children. They drive them to classes and play dates, without really noticing if their child is happy or not, and sometimes in spite of their child’s resistance.

You may think your child is happy even when she is struggling inside emotionally. What I've found is in our society we don't know a lot about Emotional Wholeness. Consequently, you may miss the cues your child gives you about how she really feels inside. Children pretend to be happy and smile even when that is not what they are feeling. They’ve learned to act as much of us do, putting on a smile, even when we’re hurting inside.

Your child's happiness doesn't depend on material possessions, kind words from your or others, or specific activities. His happiness comes from feeling certain and clear in who he is and making choices that reflect his personal integrity.

Happiness comes from knowing that she belongs, that she is deeply loved by the important people in her life. It comes from knowing she is respected and valued for who she is. In other words, your child's happiness depends on her Emotional Wholeness.

Children need love and respect from  within themselves more than they need love and respect from us. Happiness comes from inner love and respect.

So what's a parent to do?

1. Make your child's Emotional Wholeness one of your highest priorities. Emotional Wholeness is more important than managing her behavior and making sure she's doing the right things. It's emotional well-being that lays the foundation for wise choices and joyous, loving interactions.
When you nurture your child's Emotional Wholeness, he glows with joy and a feeling of certainty that is unmistakable to people around him. When you nurture your child's Emotional Wholeness, power struggles, tantrums, defiance, depression, anxiety, and a host of other behavioral challenges become things of the past.

When your child lives in a place of loving himself, he flourishes and shines brightly. He radiates enthusiasm, positive power, clarity, joy, and love from the inside out. This is where it counts!

2. Share authentic, loving, times with your child this summer. You matter so much to your child. This matters more than all the possessions you can buy. Slow down and make your actions consistent with your highest values.

3. With your child, plan fun special times together that you will both enjoy. Stretch your boundaries of what you believe you might enjoy and try something new your child suggests.

4. Reflect for a moment. Are your thoughts, words and actions consistent with the feelings you want to create?