Great Expectations: Are Yours Too Much?

Have you ever noticed the power of expectations in your life? At a recent workshop I presented about work-life balance, an educator raised her hand and observed, “We expect too much of ourselves. We think we can be and do everything, and we can’t.” Does this sound familiar to you?

Expectations can be seen from several perspectives. One is, “It’s good to have high expectations for yourself and others. It helps us be our best.” Another is, “A few expectations are important. Otherwise, we humans wouldn’t amount to anything.” Still another point of view is, “Expectations? Who needs them? I just want to be myself and have fun.” Which of these fits you?

I love referring to the dictionary to discover what it tells me about a concept I am exploring. Here are a couple of definitions for “expect”: 1) to anticipate the occurrence or coming of; 2) to consider as reasonable, due and justified. The second definition has pressure to perform in it while the first one feels more neutral.

Expectations of yourself and others in your life quickly become demands and standards one must meet. When you or the other person does not meet your expectation, your judgment of right and wrong, good and bad, should and should not, quickly kicks in, and now you’re upset and not feeling so happy. Now you have created a problem to fix.

Expectations can lead to frustration, anger, hurt or despair when they are not met. They cause discord and upset between people, and they have you feel bad about yourself when you don’t live up to your own expectations of yourself. With an expectation, you think you’re right because obviously any “sane” person would see the situation exactly as you do and would feel the same upset as you.

Not so. There are many ways of perceiving a situation, a person’s actions, your choices. It all depends on the perspective from which you are looking. Expectations are based on your opinions. There is no right or wrong here in our human experience. Your preferences and desires are what matter.

I like the word “anticipate” more than “expect.” In fact, my favorite definition for “anticipate” is “to look forward to, especially confidently or with pleasure.” Anticipation implies a positive expected outcome, not something that has to be met. When you anticipate something wonderful in yourself, in others, in life, you feel more joyous and life is fun.

Love Joyously!

Here are some ideas you can do to explore your own expectations.

1. Become aware of your expectations of yourself and others. Observe your interactions with others and how you treat yourself. What can you learn about your expectations? Are your expectations helping or hindering you?
2. Are your expectations working for you? For those around you? Are they creating joy and luscious self-indulgence or are they limiting you? Those you love?
3. Sort out what matters most to you as the unique individual you are. Align your priorities and your choices with your highest values and let the rest go.
4. Remember you are here to create a wonderful life for you. Focus on luscious experiences you desire for yourself and anticipate them coming. Now go out and have a glorious day!