Modern Potty Talk: What Happened to Intrinsic Motivation?

My rant for today…

I’m looking for a potty chair for my grandson Sebastian who is almost 2. I find the section in the store and am surprised by what I find—brightly colored pink or blue plastic potty chairs with names like Cheer for Me Potty, Royal Princess Stepstool Potty, and Royal Step Potty.

The part that bothers me the most are the talking, interactive ones: Toddlers are rewarded with 5 phrases and 2 sing-along training songs for "contributions."

Everywhere I turn in our modern society I see techniques designed to get children to do what adults what they want them to do. These manipulative techniques include special treats, money, and praise. All are based on external rewards.

One of the quickest way to guide a child away from his / her natural knowing and desire to do well in life (intrinsic motivation) is to use external rewards. Then the child looks outside himself for guidance of right and wrong, what works and doesn’t work as he tries to earn the external reward.

Do you ever look to others for their approval and advice instead of listening to yourself? Pretty much all of us do. This is because we learned this behavior when we were young children.

So many adults wonder who they are and seek out therapists and coaches in order to be able to listen to themselves and to trust themselves. This is not a comfortable or empowered place to be.

Children naturally want to do well in life, to do what big people do. When children struggle with something natural like potty training, it is a problem in the communication and relationship between the parent and the child. It is frankly a parenting problem, not a child problem.

So let’s trust our children a little more to do the right thing, to figure out the right thing, and do away with all our reinforcing techniques that make them pay attention to us than to themselves. We belittle them when we treat them this way.

Children are amazing, brilliant people who are skilled at figuring out life without all the external distractions from adults. Let’s consciously make choices to keep them that way. No more talking potties!