Your Child is NOT the Cause of Your Frustration

June 10, 2013 By Leave a Comment

This is a gentle reminder about my one-time-only teleclass tonight: “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child.”

I just received an email from a mom in our community who wondered about something I said in my last email.

What I wrote: “When you increase your awareness of what is stirring up your anger — it is NOT your child — then you begin to have needed awareness and strategies to calm to your inner emotional fire.”

Her question – Is this really true? “I’m curious why the child isn’t a potential source of the [parent’s} emotional response.”

This is certainly how it feels. Your anger and frustration seem to be caused by your child’s behavior. Yet, by stopping here and not questioning this belief or your anger, you miss important insights about yourself and your part in your repetitive frustrations with your child.

You really are in charge of your emotional responses, as hard to understand as that may be. It’s all about perception. Your child is NOT the source of your anger.

This is exactly what we are going to discuss tonight in the teleclass:

  • Why you really are the one responsible for your feelings of frustration
  • What are the real sources of your anger and frustration
  • How to take responsibility for your own emotional upsets
  • Specific, concrete strategies to deal with these real sources of your frustration.
  • Communication skills to prevent future upsets and make amends for your actions.

I have consistently found the most important and first place to put your attention is on yourself…as annoying as that may be. It is your only true, long-term source of power and positive influence with your child and your happiness.

Want to learn more about this personally empowering approach to handling your emotional upsets about your child?

Great! I invite you to join us for our call tonight “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child.” If you can’t be on the call live, sign-up and you’ll have the audio recording by tomorrow morning.

Click here now to take action and sign-up.

 

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Are You Trying to Control Your Anger with Your Child?

June 8, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Most of us grow up being taught to worship the ‘God of Logic and Reason.’ You were mostly likely taught to use your intellect to think your way out of difficulties and to control your emotions. Because of this, you may be trying to use your rational mind to control your anger and frustration toward your child.

I’ve found the most effective way to work through emotional challenges is by focusing on your underlying emotions and to not try to suppress them and shove them under the rug. They are still there and will re-surface sometime in the future, probably with more intensity.

When you increase your awareness of what is stirring up your anger — it is NOT your child — then you begin to have needed awareness and strategies to calm to your inner emotional fire.

This is exactly why I am offering my one-time only teleclass “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child” on Monday, June 10. In this class, you will:

  • Become more aware of the under-lying causes of your irritation.
  • Learn new strategies to approach your repetitive challenges with your child so you stay cool as a cucumber.
  • Develop new skills to nurture your own emotional well-being.
  • Discover new tools to communicate with your child to reduce or eliminate the challenging moments.
  • Learn an effective 4- step process to ‘clean up the mess’ when you find yourself yelling at your child.

If you’re ready to turn anger and annoyance with your child toward greater calm and connection, I invite you to sign-up today for “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child.”

Click here now to sign-up and learn more.

Your relationship with your child is the most important asset when it comes to being a parent. Repetitive angry interactions dramatically harm and limit this relationship. Don’t let this affordable, easy opportunity go by!

 

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Are You Secretly Hoping for a ‘Perfect’ Child?

June 7, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Becoming impatient with your child is not something you think about. It’s something that seems to happen out of nowhere when your child does something you don’t like, something that doesn’t fit your idea of how and who he should be.

Your impatience occurs because an emotion is triggered within you, and you react. You cannot think your way to controlling your temper and managing your reactivity. You have to explore, observe, and feel your way to greater inner awareness and clarity.

In my coaching with parents, I’ve discovered many parents secretly hope for a ‘perfect’ child. A child who is always cooperative and does what you say instantly, and he does it happily.

Raising a ‘perfect’ child certainly seems like it would make parenting so much easier. There would be no conflict. She would always say and do the right things. He’d easily be nice and get along with everyone. You would be such a proud parent.

Sounds a little silly, right? You want your child to be the human being he is. The perfect child would get a little boring, and you’d begin to wonder what’s going on with your child…after months of enjoying his perfection. 🙂

Joking aside, the reality is that every time you feel impatient with you’re unconsciously wishing your child were different, were more the way you believe he should be. You’re resisting the reality of who he is right now.

Of course, you have to have structure and your needs and wants matter. Right now, I’m pointing out a possible source of your frustration.

Obviously, your child is a unique, whole, separate person.

Obviously, your child is going to have her own opinion and ways of doing things.

The next time you feel resistant and annoyed with what your child is doing, see if you can pause, take a deep breath, and notice what you believe your ‘perfect’ child should do. See if you can create some space between your belief and your emotional trigger.

See if you can find a little amusement with yourself for your humanity.

*******

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about my upcoming new teleclass “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child” on Monday, June 10.

If you’d like more insights about:
What triggers you emotionally with your child
How to be less reactive and more responsive to your child
How to clean up the hurt, distance, and mistrust after you speak angrily with your child

I invite you to sign-up for my teleclass today! I’ll be sharing lots more goodies and strategies with you then.

Click here to sign-up and learn more.

 

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Impatience with Your Child is Your Invitation to Grow!

June 7, 2013 By Leave a Comment

“Your impatience with your child is your invitation to grow.” Usually parents groan and lean back in their chairs when they hear me say this. This is not the answer they were hoping for.

“Isn’t there some way I can get my child to change so I don’t become so frustrated with her?” they think. “I was hoping there is a quick technique I can use with her behavior so she’ll do what I want.”

Wonderfully for you, the answer to that question is “No. Not if you want a close, happy relationship with your child Not if you’re looking for a long-term solution and not just a short-term quick fix. Not if you want your child to blossom into her potential.”

The things your child does that annoy or irritate you are such gifts to you as a person, even though it doesn’t feel that way at the time. They are your pathway to growing as a person and becoming an even better parent.

Many of you have heard me say, “There is only one person whose behavior you can change.” — More groans.

What makes this so difficult to hear? Because it seems to be human nature to want the other person to change. Wouldn’t that be so much easier than wrestling with and figuring out your part in your un-fun interaction patterns?

When you wrestle with your own limiting beliefs and emotions, you discover new insights and understandings about yourself, your child and how to create a partnership that works for both of you.

This is one of the best gifts of being a parent – being called on by your child’s uniqueness to let go of limiting beliefs and emotions that no longer serve you. Your child’s irritating response to you and your own angry or harsh response to your child are action-stirring feedback that it’s time to look int he mirror.

When you step back and take the time to reflect, there are all kinds of possibilities of what you’ll discover. Perhaps you’ll realize:

  • You’re expecting or demanding too much of your child.
  • Your own fears or desire to be the perfect parent or to have a perfect child are getting in the way.
  • Your child is ‘running the show’ too much in your family.
  • This issue is not a battle worth fighting.
  • This list goes on…

I invite you to explore with me what your impatience is telling you and what you can do to have more harmony, ease, and fun relating with your child. This getting frustrated, angry, or hurtful with your child is so limiting for everyone both now and in the future.

I promise you it can be so much easier!

Ready to explore?

Great! My new Parenting Solutions teleclass “Keep Your Cool: How to Be More Patient with Your Child” is Monday, June 10.

Click here now to sign-up and learn more.

I invite you to put yourself in the driver’s seat of your own emotions, beliefs, and choices. Learn new ways to deal with your frustrations and stress without being negative toward your child. The price to your family is way too high.

 

Filed Under: Children, Fun, Grandparenting, Parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,