Children Get Smarter with Video Games

May 2, 2011 By 4 Comments

My thirty-something son Orion has played video games for many years, perhaps as many as 25; and he loves them. He’s often gravitated toward the violent ones, in which he competes against other players to see who goes down first or who makes it to the end first.

I’ve never worried about him becoming violent or aggressive in day-to-day living because that is not who he is. Children who are happy and mostly enjoying their life are not aggressive toward others. Perhaps he uses it to work out some of his frustration, which I believe is totally acceptable. It’s certainly an opportunity for him to have fun with his guy friends.

Beyond these reasons, I’ve always believed Orion was getting something more from video games that went beyond the ‘violence’ and social interaction, something that was not obvious to me as an outsider.

In fact, I believed an entire generation was gaining something valuable and developing unseen skills from these interactive games. Otherwise, why would so many young people and adults be drawn to them? There had to be something positive, not just the dumbing down of our society.

Fortunately, I have found an answer, one that makes sense to me and to Orion. My answer came from a book I just read Everything Bad Is Good For You: How Today’s Popular Culture Is Actually Making Us Smarter by Steven Johnson.

Since childhood, Johnson has been a strategic game player even before the advent of video games so he gets his unique perspective from his own experience as well as from his in-depth research and his willingness to think out-of-the-box.

The startling discovery he found is people are actually getting smarter since the introduction of technology, which includes video games, reality TV, the internet, and popular TV series, such as 24 and Lost. IQ test scores have not reflected this increase in IQ because they’ve been adjusted upward to account for the increased intelligence and companies are making the tests harder. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

School is a High-Pressure Activity for Children

September 16, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Children are natural learners as witnessed by their amazing ability to learn to walk, talk, reason, figure things out, imagine new realities – all by the age of 3 and without the benefit of a ‘credentialed teacher.’ Children are naturally curious and are hard-wired to learn and to want to learn.

Yet research shows that by 3rd grade most children have lost their love of learning, their innate drive to learn. Why is this? What happens in school that makes it limiting of chilldren’s natural desires and abilities?

Schools get a lot of criticism these days, mostly because students are not learning so we’re placing more pressure on schools to produce academically. Schools feel the need to teach to the test, everyone working toward the seemingly all-important test scores.

Yet I believe that the biggest determiner of a child’s ability to learn and ultimately succeed in life is their Emotional Wholeness, their emotional well-being, their confidence, connection with themselves and others, and their love of learning, not their grades or test scores.

Schools place demands, expectations and challenging situations on children, which take them away from their natural abilities to learn. I’m concerned that many of the ‘high expectations’ can actually be a deterrent to a child’s happiness and ability and desire to learn.

The other day I started thinking about all the ways that children feel pressure by participation in school. Here are the ones I’ve thought of so far and not in any particular order. Please add your own to this list.

Important Note: I am not saying these apply to all schools. There are many innovative, child-centered programs. Still, I believe all of the following are cause for concern.

~ Dealing with lots of people and social interaction within a relatively small space, aka ‘crowding’

~ Have to sit in desks, uninteresting circle times for often long periods of time – even if you love to move, need to move to learn and be happy.

~ Pressure to conform and fit in with her peers so it is difficult to be himself

~ Expectations to learn information up to specified standard within a given time frame, whether it is interesting to you or not, whether it is easy or difficult

~ Expectations to master skills and information even when not developmentally ready

~ Pressure to earn high grades from teachers and fellow students [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Parenting, Parenting Tips Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

A Mother’s Success with Her Daughter’s Tantrums

July 20, 2010 By Leave a Comment

I’ve been telling you that tantrums and emotional upsets with your child of any age can be resolved, and they are not a normal or necessary part of childhood.

I want to share a quick story about a mom whom I’ll call Mary, mother of two girls one a young teen and the other 6, to share with you what’s possible.

Mary and her husband struggled with their younger daughter’s frequent ‘screaming fits,’ which they reported, “could last for hours.” In addition, these emotional upsets occurred several times every day, whenever they had to tell their daughter, “No.”

As you can imagine, this affected the entire family on a daily, constant basis. Everyone, including the older daughter, tiptoed around this young girl, afraid of setting her off. They saw her as fragile and tried to keep her happy.

Mary was exhausted and distracted by the attention and time she gave to her youngest daughter, feeling she was neglecting her older daughter, and having frequent fights with her husband about their daughter’s tantrums.

Then there were the times she was at the end of her rope, when she became an angry, yelling, upset, out-of-control mom, which she always regretted afterward.

Her young daughter was creating chaos for everyone, and she knew she had to do something.

She came to me for coaching, clear that, “My girls need a better mom.”

After getting some coaching, Mary learned how to calmly and consistently respond to her daughter’s tantrums, to not be afraid or overwhelmed by them. Things began to change immediately. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Grandparenting, Loving Yourself, Parenting, Parenting Tips Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Best Protection from Sexual Abuse for Your Child

June 17, 2010 By 4 Comments

Yesterday I watched Oprah interview 4 convicted child molesters, 3 of whom molested a family member. I know we’ve all heard horror stories of young children’s violations and the long-term price these young people pay.

This is not one of those stories. This post is about what best protects your child from sexual abuse or any other kind of abuse by others.

I learned several interesting facts I’d like to share with you.

1. Molesters ‘groom’ their targets. They gain their trust by being nice to them then begin touching them in non-sexual ways and gradually moving on to more intimate touching. They consciously manipulate their prey.

2. All four molesters believed they were giving the young children pleasure, not pain. This came as a real shocker to me. Yet when I thought about it, I realized abusers do not have the emotional awareness and maturity to realize the emotional impact of what they are doing.

I see these men as profoundly emotionally injured and hurt little boys, trying to find love and connection in the best way they knew how. They are not bad or mean people. They are confused and hurting people and deserve our compassion. AND this does not make it acceptable in any way that they violated these young people in the ways they did.

Here is the most important information for parents to remember and act upon to best protect your child from sexual abuse:

When these emotionally-hurting men looked around for a young person to molest, they looked for a child who was struggling emotionally and in need of someone to love them. These men looked for anger and retaliation toward their parents and not feeling connected and loved by their parents. [Read more…]

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